Life's Parasite
by arella-sensei
Summary: A girl from the streets, who experiences the hardships of life when she was young, hopes and dreams of a better future. She embarks on her life journey to form her own person and confront her inner demons.


Life's Parasite

**Grizli777**

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**6/24/2010**

Kathleen E. Clark

A girl from the streets, who experiences the hardships of life when she was young, hopes and dreams of a better future. She embarks on her life journey to form her own person and confront her inner demons.

Chapter 1

"Walk through the rain"

A little girl ran from the hallway into the kitchen screaming, "Mama!"

A brunette woman with a large bowl in her arms turned slightly to the little girl. She softly smiled and set the bowl down. She wiped her hands with her white apron she wore. As the little girl approached her, she bent down to the little one's height. Her hazel eyes stared into a watery mirror reflection of her own eyes. She asked the girl, "Hey, sweetie. What's wrong, huh?"

The little girl sniffed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She took a breath and said, "Timmy…*sniff*….scared me."

She hugged her daughter and tried to calm her down. A few moments later, a little black haired boy ran into the room. He spotted his sister and said, "Well there you are! I was looking everywhere. Geez you didn't need to run and cry like that. I only scared you. I didn't hurt you."

The mother set the girl down from her arms and told the little boy, "Timothy what did I tell you about scaring your little sister?"

The boy put a guilty look on his face and stared at the floor. He found his shoes at the moment really fascinating. He started mumbling to himself before sneaking a peek at his mother to see if she was still glaring at him. She still was. He gave a sigh and stated, "Not to."

The mother smiled and walked over to her little boy. She bent down and ran her fingers through his hair. "Good. Now tell your sister you're sorry."

Tim grumbled under his breath before saying, "I'm sorry."

The mother looked over to her daughter and said, "Caitlyn?"

Caitlyn looked up and said softly, "It's ok."

The mother smiled and stood on her feet. She looked to her two little toddlers and smiled. Then she walked back over to her bowl and picked it up. She turned back to her kids and asked, "Good. Now that that's taken care of, who wants to help me bake cookies?"

The kids' faces lit up and both screamed, "Me!"

A half an hour later, a man in a uniform walked through the front door. Caitlyn ran to the man and jumped into his arms while yelling, "Daddy!"

The man laughed as he scooped up his daughter into his strong arms. He swirled her around and then set her down. "So how's my little princess been? Were you good for your mother?"

The girl nodded vigorously. The man laughed and then grunted as his son tackled him with a hug. Once their hug ended, he turned to his son and ruffled his hair. "Hey there, little man. Hold down the fort for me while I was gone?"

Tim smiled and answered, "You betcha dad!"

He smiled and said, "That's a boy."

He stood up to see his wife at the doorframe of the kitchen. She was leaning against the doorframe with a smile on her face. He walked over and kissed his wife gently. She greeted him, "Hey there soldier."

He chuckled and said, "Hey beautiful."

She smiled and swatted his arm. He gave her a questioning look. She smiled and replied, "Your kids have missed you, Erin. Spend time with them today. I got cookies in the kitchen to finish."

He smiled and nodded. After a quick kiss, he turned to his kids. They were on the couch playing a game with their hands. Usually that wasn't the best thing because it would end up with them hitting each other. He walked over to his kids and asked, "Hey, who wants to go play outside with me?"

They both leaped off the couch, their little game completely forgotten. They each pulled on one of his arms toward their back yard while they were yelling all the games they wanted to play.

I smiled as the memory ended in front of me. I stared out the window from my desk. I sat in the middle of row of desks next to the window. My head rested on my right fist as I stared into oblivion. Once the memory vanished, I noticed the storm clouds forming. I whispered to no one in particular, "It's gonna rain."

I lifted my head up and watched the teacher. She was explaining what inverse functions were and how to graph them. I used to be a straight A student. Used to be is the phrase. Now, school doesn't really faze me. I became numb to it. I became numb to not doing my homework and receiving F's. It just didn't matter to me anymore. I sighed and glanced at the clock. One... two…three. The bell rang and everyone gathered up their stuff. I grabbed my books and took one last glance outside before I walked out.

I casually walked to my locker. Tenth period just ended so there was no need for me to rush. I watched as everyone passed by with friends and planning their weekends. I smiled at them but I knew that I would rather be at school than home. I reached my locker and put my combination into my lock. After I gathered my stuff to go home, I began on my walk out of school. Once out of the building, I noticed my favorite gang of thugs on the stairs of the school. They were talking and smoking cigarettes. I can't even imagine what they do for fun on their weekends. Better yet, I don't want to know or even imagine it.

I prayed they would just ignore me as I passed down the stairs. But honestly, what's the chance of that? I mentally swore as I heard them call out my name. I slightly turned, mentally weighing my options. I could run, but not only would they follow, they know where I live. I guess it's pointless. Might as well just take whatever they decide to do. I glanced around and noticed there was one of his gang members in every direction. I swore out loud and knew that this little formation didn't mean they wanted to just call me names.

I glared at the guy in front of me and asked, "What do you want DJ?"

He smirked and replied, "Well hello to you to girly. What I don't get a nicer greeting from you?"

No, you don't deserve a better greeting from me. But, it's not like I was actually going to tell him that. Saying that was like asking for a death sentence, literally. I shrugged and kept my eyes off of him. I didn't feel like dealing with this right now. I actually never feel like dealing with it, but definitely not now. I have dealt with this gang for years and they just get more aggressive with each year. This past summer, one of his members got arrested for killing an officer. Unfortunately for me, the police didn't arrest the entire gang.

I sighed and looked at him. I'd rather take my beating and get on with my life. The waiting is the part that sucks the most, or if I don't know what they're going to do to me. I usually don't, but I have a good idea most of the time. He walked closer to me then grabbed me by the shirt. I was waiting for him to punch me in the face or stomach, but when it didn't come, I opened my eyes to see what was going to happen. Suddenly, I felt his hand around my waist and I instinctively kneed him.

Two of his gang members grabbed me and threw me onto the ground. I saw as DJ recovered himself and looked absolutely pissed. I panicked the moment his hand touched my waist. For guys like him, I knew what that meant and I had enough of it. I didn't need it from him too. He straddled me and I stared at him, trying to predict what was going to happen. But, with my odds, I didn't like it at all. He punched me in the jaw and said, "Bitch. No one hurts me like that."

I could feel the crack of my jaw from his blow. I knew it wasn't broken, but there was a slight misplacement. I was relieved when he stood up. Then he kicked me in the side and spat at me. He called his friends and they left together. I grasped my side and sat up. Hitting the pavement was a little harder than I imagined. I moved my brown strands of hair out of my face. I moved my jaw from left to right and could hear a little click. My jaw will be fine, just needs a little rest. I slowly stood on my feet and grabbed my bag. I began to walk home from school once I was able to gather myself up. Well, that went smoothly. Suddenly, my phone began to ring. I flipped it open and answered, "Talk."

"Wow, grumpy much?"

I smiled and said, "Well, yea Jackal I am. I just ran into our favorite little junkyard dogs."

"Oh shit. You ok?"

"Yea, he gave me a good hit after I kneed him."

"Christ Cate. You kneed DJ? You're just asking for it. What happened?"

"Nothing much, got pinned and then beat up a little. Could have been worse…. you know?"

"Yea…hey I know since today's Friday an' all, so you wana come over?"

I sighed as I crossed the barren street. Yea…Fridays. They are definitely not my favorite day. "Sure I'll stop by near dinner."

"Alright man. I'll check ya later."

I shut the phone and put it back into my pocket. Jackie is my best friend. We have been buds since I can remember. She's like my family. Her home is my second home. I kind of feel bad 'cuz I depend on her so much. But I nicknamed her Jackal since she reminds me of one. She usually growls when she gets angry. It cracks me up. I finally reached my house. The neighborhood looks like garbage. There's actual garbage everywhere. It's why everyone calls it "The Hole". Yards are never clean or green. Houses are beat up and some have graffiti on their walls. My house is somewhere in between the mess. The yard looks like shit, but the house itself isn't falling apart. Its two stories with all the windows still in it. It has a really noisy screen door. The inside is pretty much as run down as the outside.

I walked inside cautiously. Once I was fully inside the living room, I froze. I glanced around to listen for any sort of noise. Nothing but silence. I gave a relieved sigh. I ran up the stairs by taking two at a time. I made a sharp left into my room from the hallway. Once inside, I shut and locked the door. I looked around and saw it was just as I have left it; my twin bed on my left and my dresser and desk to my right. Of course, it looked deserted. But that's the way I make it look. That way kids don't look inside and see all the stuff they want to steal. There's no actual color in my room. There's just a wet spot on my ceiling from the shower.

I grabbed my navy blue duffel bag and packed it. I'm a big tomboy, so I don't own any dresses or skirts. Also it's smart in this neighborhood not to wear skirts or dresses. So I packed all my stuff I would need for my weekend. I never want to be around my father. Especially on the weekends; he's an alcoholic. So on his weekends, he likes to drink... a lot. Once I was all packed and I was able to fit my laptop into my duffel bag, I opened up my window. Underneath my window is the porch covering for the side of the house. So instead of going out the front and risk seeing my dad at any moment, the easiest way is to just climb out my window.

I climbed out and then dropped onto the porch covering. It's barely able to hold me and I swear one day, it's just gonna give out. I jumped onto the ground and then started out for Jackal's place. Once I got there, I knocked on their screen door. Their house was a little nicer than mine. But, it still looks as crappy on the outside as mine. A girl with straight black hair answered the door. She was my height, around 5'5". She was skinny, but a healthy skinny. I grinned and said, "Hey Jackal. How's it going?"

She grinned and retorted, "Not bad for someone who got beat up by the junkyard boys."

I grinned and replied, "Yea I'm too good for them."

She snorted and opened the door for me. I instantly walked into a wave of smell. It smelled like dinner. Jackal's mother was an amazing cook. She always reminded me of my own mother. She usually takes me in since she knows what an ass my dad can be. We walked into the kitchen and saw her mom away with her cooking. She gets so involved with her cooking that she doesn't notice anything around her. That I learned at an early age is dangerous. I can't think 'bout that right now. So I grabbed an apple from the basket on the table and started eating. Jackal laughed and took the seat across from me.

Her mother looked up from her cooking and saw us sitting and watching. She ran her black hair behind her ears. I could always tell where Jackal got her looks from. She smiled and said, "Well, look who's here. Caitlyn, how have you been?"

I smiled and said, "Oh, you know, keeping your daughter out of trouble."

Jackal snorted and said to no one in particular, "I wasn't the one who got pinned by the junk boys."

I glared at her for saying that in front of her mother, who now was studying me. I looked back at her and smiled. "Don't worry 'bout me Amy. I'm fine. Just had a talk with'm."

She gave me a warning look and I just grinned. She turned around mumbling something to herself. I turned to Jackal with a glare and kicked her under the table. She instantly mouthed 'Ow!' I finished my apple and threw the core away. I turned to Jackal and threw my head to the left. She nodded and stated, "Hey mom. We're going to hang in my room."

Once we were in her room with the door shut, I laid out on "my" bed. I have been over so often that eventually I set up my own bed in her room. She took a seat on her bed and then looked over at me. She asked, "So how bad you hurt?"

I continued to stare at the ceiling and answered, "Not bad."

"Tell me the truth. Maybe not physically, but what's runnin' through your head?"

I sighed and replied, "I was scared. Me of all people, scared. Once he straddled me…I thought he was going to…*sigh* rape me or something."

Jackal ran a hand through her hair and said, "Christ. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had."

There was a long silence before I said, "Yea, me too."

"You don't need that shit since you have to deal with everything your dad does to you."

"I know."

Jackal got up and walked over to me. She looked like she was going to say something. I waited but she never said anything. I bet she wants to see how badly they hit me, but she would never ask. Then she walked towards her bathroom and told me, "You better let me look at where he hit you, even if you're not bleeding."

I sighed and waited for her to come over with the first aid or whatever she had. When she did, I lifted up my shirt so she could see where he kicked me. She ran her fingers over my ribs which made me wince. Then I put my shirt down and let her check out my jaw. She sighed and said, "Well, I bet your ribs are bruised and so is your jaw. But, it's not all that bad. Take it easy for the weekend and they should be better by Monday."

I nodded and saw she was still staring at me with concern. What did she want? I'm not the type to cry my eyes out over something like this. I'm not lying to her 'bout anything. So what's with the look? "Cate, has your father ever…you know…after he did the first time?"

My eyes glanced at the wall behind her. I knew the question she was asking. I remember that night. It haunts me in my thoughts and in my dreams. Every time I see his face I remember that night. My whole body shivered at the thought of it. It was the Friday night where my dad got so drunk that he walked straight to my room when he got home. I was fast asleep, but jerked awake when I felt a punch to my midsection. He grabbed both my wrists in one hand and covered my legs with his body.

I couldn't defend myself and every time I tried, I got hit harder than the last. Then when I thought he was done or had fallen asleep, I tried to get away. But, he straddled me and tore off my clothes. He raped me that night. I had never felt so much pain and emotion in my entire life. Not even all the pain from his beatings I have taken could amount to the pain I felt that night and the following days after it. He took everything away from me; my family, my happiness, and my innocence. I was so badly beaten that I stayed with Jackie for days. I didn't tell them that my dad did it. I couldn't. He was a marine. He serves his country. For some reason, I just can't rat my dad out to the cops. I just use the 'he serves his country' as some sort of an excuse.

We don't talk to each other. But if I'm home when my dad is up, it's hell. I looked back at Jackie and shook my head. She looked down at her hands and then gave me a hug. Jackie's always been my support system. We grew a sister bond somehow. But, I liked having this bond. Like a sister, she always tried to help me with my relationship problems. I don't know what in the world those would be since I never dated anyone. Since all this crap with my dad and the gang of idiots at school, I can't trust guys. I won't trust guys. It's just not something I'm willing to risk. If I won't go out with guys I wonder if that makes me not straight. If it does then I don't even know what my sexuality is yet. Well, I know I won't be in a relationship for awhile so I shouldn't think about it yet.

I returned her hug until she was done. Then she left, saying she was going to get me a couple of ice packs for my stomach and jaw. When she left, I fell back onto my bed. I grunted loudly when my head hit the mattress. Why does life have to be so hard? Honestly, I think God hates me. But, that's just me. I stared at the ceiling 'til Jackal walked back into the room. I propped my head on my arms and looked at her. She walked over and put the ice packs that were wrapped in rags on my rib area and jaw. Once they made contact with my skin, my hands took the place of hers to hold them there.

Once she lay on her bed and propped her head on her right hand so she could see me, she said, "Well I know how to cheer you up. Tomorrow we'll go skatin' and ride 'til our legs hurt."

I smiled at her proposal. She knows I love skatin' and that I'm good enough that it distracts me from my own world. It's like some people with their television shows. My escape starts when my feet roll across the pavement and I can feel the world roll under my toes. It's an awesome feeling. Sometimes I have dreams of just skatin' like a pro in a big arena or something. I always wanted to feel how good their smooth lookin' ramps felt under my feet. I saw her smirk from the edge of my eyes and said, "Thanks Jackal."

"No problem Cate."

Suddenly we heard Amy's voice from downstairs interrupt our little peace in the room. We both got up to leave. I left both the ice packs on my bed and went to go eat. She made some seasoned roast beef with gravy and mashed potatoes. As we ate, I could feel wondering eyes that just so happened to stare at me. I turned to Mrs. Serge. "Thanks a lot Mrs. Serge. This is wonderful."

I always knew that with Mrs. Serge that we had to act polite at the dinner table. However, calling her Mrs. Serge was weird. We have known each other for so long she eventually told me to call her Amy 'cuz calling her Mrs. Serge made her feel old. She smiled and said, "Well thank you Caitlyn. I'm glad you like it. Is that a bruise on your check?"

My eyes widened slightly, but only enough that I could tell. I smiled and answered, "Oh this? Only a little one, I fell onto the pavement after school walking down the stairs."

She eyed me cautiously and then stated, "Caitlyn you had another run in with that gang of boys from school haven't you? That's what Jacklyn said at the table earlier when you first got here right?"

Crap, busted. Oh well, I don't need to worry her. Besides, it doesn't hurt all that bad. If there wasn't so many of the members with him, I could pop DJ a good one. My dad did teach me at an early age how to take care of myself from guys like him. So I had the training just not enough to take on five or six guys. I looked at her with a sheepish grin and said, "Yes ma'am. It's only 'cuz he had all his gang members."

She shook her head and commented, "Those boys are a menace around here. They just cause all sorts of problems. Did they seriously hurt you?"

I thought 'bout my answer for a moment. Before I took another bite of food, I replied, "Nah. I'm good."

Amy looked at her daughter who nodded and then accepted my answer. But, out of the corner of my eye I could see Jackal watch me with concern filled in her eyes. I didn't lie. But, I just didn't completely tell the truth. After dinner, Jackal and I did the dishes while Amy rested on the couch. When we were on our way back up the stairs, she asked me, "Caitlyn, how old are you going to be? Your birthday is coming up isn't it?"

I looked at her as I froze on the stairs with my right hand on the railing. I completely forgot. My birthday was actually only a couple months away. I answered, "Yea it's a couple of months away. I'll be eighteen."

She smiled and said, "Wow the big eighteen. Are you excited? You'll be off to college soon and you'll be graduating high school soon too."

I grinned at her and commented, "Yea it's about time."

She giggled and we continued our way to our room. It was around eight o'clock at night by the time was took our showers. I laid on my bed in my shorts and t-shirt. I was always a casual dresser, even to bed. Scars from my past showed on my body. Some were cuts made by past knife fights I've had with some kids. Others were bad bruises from accidents. This was a shitty neighborhood. You had to fight a majority of the time on your way home. I didn't mind them though. They didn't bother me or hurt. They just told stories 'bout me. I always thought they were cool when I was younger. It's like getting a battle wound and you wear it with pride. I did the same with my scars. They were part of me, but a private part. I didn't show them to others. I like modesty, so I cover them up. I didn't have a lot; I just had a good amount.

Jackal has her fair share of scars too. Her mother did her best to make them heal properly so they wouldn't show, but they're still there. I was lost in my thoughts when Jackal asked me a question. I didn't hear it though. "What'd you say?"

"I asked what college you are going to."

"I don't know if I'm even going to college Jackal. I don't think my grades'll cut it."

"Then bring'em up."

I snorted, "It's not as easy as it sounds."

"Oh come on Cate. You used to be the best in our class. Then your grades plummeted real fast sometime junior year. But, you still have time to make them up."

"I donno."

"Come on. I'll help ya even. What'd ya say?"

I sighed and thought 'bout it. Suddenly she added, "Plus, if you get good grades, you can go to a college far away from here."

She has a very good point. I want nothing more than to get outa this place. I took a breath and said, "Fine. I'll try. But, you gotta help me out."

"Deal."

"So what college are ya thinkin' 'bout?"

"I don't know. Actually, don't laugh, but there's this prep university I wana go to."

I sat up and looked at her like she was off her rocker. Is she kidding? A prep school? This is a joke right? I mean why? Just…why? I'm speechless, which is not a first but to her it is. I just had to ask, "Why?"

"I don't know exactly. It would be a nice change of pace, you know? There's no gangs or fights…"

"Oh there's fights Jackal. I bet you those jocks have good fights."

"Well, ok maybe some fights. But, no fighting like our fights at our school. Cate, prep school just sounds safer. I wana be safer. I don't want to worry 'bout if I'm gonna get hurt today. Or if I'm gonna get mugged or raped today. It's really exhausting and frightening. I don't need it and I don't want it."

I looked back at the ceiling and nodded. I can understand that. I'm used to this life style, but the world she's talking 'bout just sounds way too out of my league. But, I guess it's worth a shot if it means I don't have to deal with DJ and his dogs. "Alright, listen. If you help me with my grades, I'll even go to this prep university with you."

Jackal lit up at my idea and sat up immediately. "Oh hell yea. That'd be so awesome. But, Cate it's hard to get into prep schools, especially universities. That and it cost like a fortune."

"Then Jackal, why the hell are even thinking 'bout goin' then?"

"Well, they have scholarships. So we could get some of those, maybe even a full ride if we're super lucky. We'll have to turn in application forms, scholarship forms, admission essays…"

I groaned at the mention of all those things. Jeez this is goin' to be a lot of work. Work I didn't feel motivated to do. She heard me groan and said, "Hey this prep school I'm lookin' at is even out of the state. I bet that's farther away from your dad than you ever thought you would be able to get."

She has a point; a very strong, motivational point. "Alright, you got my attention. How do we get all these forms?"

"Oh don't worry. I can print them off within the week for us. This is goin' to be so amazing Cate. I can't wait."

"Coolness. Me neither."

I don't know if she heard my sarcasm in that last statement, but since she didn't retort to it, probably not. She's on cloud nine by now dreaming 'bout being out of here and surrounded by fellow smarties. I took a deep breath and tried to get some sleep. I have a feeling this girl is goin' to run me down by graduation.

Chapter 2

"Welcome to Hell"

It's been a couple of months since Jackal and me's little agreement. It's killing me. My brain has never hurt so much in my life. I have kept up my end of the deal 'cuz I mean, come on, I want out of here. This place is not where I wana be in like ten years or longer. Yea sure I don't want to be in some prep school with people who think they are the shit. But, I would rather be there than here. So as impossible as it sounds, and trust me I should know… my grades have improved since that night. I went from basically failing to bein' back near the top of my class.

It's not like I could never understand the stuff my teachers try to teach me; it's just I never wanted to think 'bout it. I was never interested and I had bigger things to think 'bout in my life. So once I actually applied myself, yea I got results. Grant it my brain hurts, but hey, at least I will be out of year in a couple of months… right? I better not be doin' all this work for nothin' 'cuz I'll be so beyond pissed! Jackal told me I have some photographic memory or something like that. That's probably why it didn't take me long to catch up with my class. I swear my teacher almost fainted at the fact that I aced her test.

Mrs. E was as mean as teachers get. She was always yelling at me and crap like that. I wonder if teachers know that if ya yell, it does nothin' for the students. Yellin' at kids only makes'm scared or cry. It's not the greatest motivational thing to do. So, I told her if she stops yellin' at me, I'll do better in her class. She didn't believe me, but once she saw my test grade, she almost doubled over. I just smirked at her. Who knew bein' smart could actually shut a teacher up?

Graduation was on its way and I was siked! My grades were the highest they have been in a long while. Sure prep schools are hard to get into, but I'm sure they could use me. Our school didn't have the best standards, but I was very athletic. Schools always like athletic people right? I was good at shootin' hoops or even running. In "the Hole" you get a lot of running done. You run from cops, you run from gangs, or you run away from home. Either way, you're running fast. I'm sure I could get some scholarship for that stuff. The tuition for that college…Ovattio University I think she said it was is like $40,000. Yea, that's a lot of cash; plus room and board, meals, and other stuff. I better get some serious scholarships.

I'm not worried 'bout Jackal though. She's been at the top of our class for like all four years. She's been part of committees and sports. She's outgoing for colleges, but she's not outgoing socially. It may not seem like it, but Jackie and I have gone solo all these years. She does all that stuff for colleges. So I won't be surprised if Jackal gets into that school with scholarships n' stuff. That and her mom has saved up money to help pay for college for her. I'm not worried 'bout her.

It's a week or two from Graduation and I can't stand the waitin'. I just walked out of my tenth period class with Mrs. E. I had a pretty easy class schedule; period 1: Government, period 2: world cultures, period 3: physics, period 4-5: Latin 4, period 6-7: lunch, period 8: study hall, period 9: calculus, and period 10: English. It wasn't that hard. I opened my locker and set my books in for the day. Since I had to keep my grades up, I actually had to bring books home. So I couldn't walk out of school empty handed no more. It tanked, but hey I gotta do it. Even if my book bag would feel like its gonna break from the weight of my books.

I filled my bag with all my crap and locked my locker. I walked down the stairs outside and headed for home. As I walked down the street, I saw DJ at the corner. He had one of his gang buddies wit' him. Aw shit. I made it this far with only bein' hit a couple of times. For awhile I was able to get around seein' DJ. I wonder if I should keep walkin' and risk it or just jump the neighbor's yards. Oh screw it 'cuz I bet he's been lookin' for me anyways.

As I stood and debated with myself, DJ saw me and grinned. Yep, he was lookin' for me. Well this is better than him goin' to my house or Jackal's lookin' for me; doin' any of that could have started some major problems. That and I don't want Jackal and Amy getin' hurt. I stood where I was and waited. DJ walked over with his buddy on his six. "You gonna make me do all the walkin' girly?"

I huffed and took a few steps forward. I looked towards the street. I never liked lookin' that guy in the eye, it just unnerves me. As I stared at the street, I could see him approach through the side of my eye. Once he stood in front of me, I turned my head to face him. He grinned and said, "Hey girly, what you been avoidin' me?"

Well, duh. Why would I want to see you? I shrugged. I never like seein' him or talkin' to him so why should I? His grin disappeared and asked, "Are you ever gonna answer me?"

I shrugged again. I knew this is pissin' him off but I don't give a fuck right now. He nodded and I saw his friend take a switch blade out of his pocket. This is gonna get ugly real fast. I faced DJ, but always made sure I could see the blade out of my corner. "You better answer me, bitch."

I set my bag down and asked, "Why?"

He looked at me questionably, "Why? Why what?"

"Why should I answer you?"

His face turned nasty, not like it always is but in an angry way. "'Cuz I said so."

I smirked and retorted, "Well, that's not a good enough answer."

I knew how this was gonna end. But, I can take it. He doesn't have all his thugs around anymore. He just has one with a switch blade. My odds were good. I could do this. Analyze the situation and take control. Don't rush your opponent and use their force against them. I know this area just like they do, so no one's at a field advantage. I readied myself to fight, but kept my cool stance in appearance. As his friend tried to stab me, I grabbed his wrist and punched him in the side with my free hand. As he hit the ground, I dodged DJ's punch to my face. I grabbed his arm with both hands near his elbow and tossed him as hard as I could over my shoulder. He landed on his back on the pavement.

His friend sliced my right leg with the switch. I hissed in pain and turned my attention to him. He was on his knees, as I grabbed his wrist with the blade before it made contact with my stomach. Before he could try to get up, I kneed him in the face. He was spread out on the pavement afterwards. I bent over him and put my knee on his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck. As I applied all my weight on his chest, I snapped his neck to the left. My dad taught me that move when I was young from his army days. I heard a loud and low toned crack. So I knew it worked. He was either unconscious or dead. Right now I didn't care which one.

I took the blade that had my blood on the edge from my calf. I walked over to DJ and knelt on top of him. I held the blade to his throat and stared him in the eyes. He stared at me with his cold, brown eyes. I could tell that deep in his eyes, he was scared. Good, he should be. I spoke to him and with each sentence I held the blade closer, "Now you will listen very carefully. I am done with your shit you little fucker. I've put up with it for far too long. You will no longer approach me and if you do, so help me God I will cut you in half with this blade from nose to naval. If anything happens to Jackie's mother, Jackie, or myself I can guarantee you I will hunt you down like the animal you are. So it would be in your best interest to protect us if anything. Got it?"

He could only nod for I had all my weight on him practically cutting off his air supply. I loosened my grip on him and sat up. "Good."

With all that said, I punched him with all my might in the face. As I stood, I knew he was unconscious. I walked over to his friend and knelt beside him. I put two fingers to his pulse point on his throat. Nothing. Fuck, he's dead. I stood up, not knowing what to do at this point. I can't believe I just killed the guy. He looked like what, sixteen or seventeen. But, he came at me with the knife. Sure I could have just put him unconscious, but who knows if he would have been smart enough to listen to my warning. He could have gone after me for revenge, or hurt Jackie or Amy. Shit. The police won't care though. DJ won't tell and the police will just put it down as gang violence. I put the switch blade into my left pocket of my pants. I ran my left hand through my hair. This was one, big fucking mess.

As I tried to walk over to my bag, I became painfully aware of my bleeding calf. It shot a painful nerve feeling up my leg as I walked. I slowly bent over to grab my bag. In a matter of a few minutes I was back to walking my way home as if nothing had happened. Killings and murders are common around here. They are either self defense or gang related. I did what I had to to protect myself…right? I didn't just kill some innocent person right? Well he might not have been innocent, but still. Oh God, I don't know and I don't wana think too much into it.

I walked home and walked through the front door. I set my book bag next the stair well in the living room. I walked straight upstairs to the bathroom. I found an old first aid kit and started wrapping my calf. I cleaned it and just wrapped it with some tape stuff I found in the box. Once that was taken care of, I limped down stairs. I started rinsing a cup in the sink when I heard a creek. Fuck. I kept myself facing the sink, but my eyes were trying to turn me around. They were daring me to face the source of most of my fear. My body slowly began to be overtaken by goose bumps like a wave washing over the sands of the beach.

A husky, drunken sounding voice broke the silence. "When the fuck did you get home?"

I winced slightly and took a breath. "Just a few minutes ago."

I heard him grunt and start to walk. My muscles tensed and my body began to twitch. It wanted so badly just to run. Run to Jackie's place or anywhere but here. He leaned against the counter. I could tell he was drunk. I knew he always was, but I never stop hoping when I see him that he's not. I could tell out of the corner of my eye by his sloppy stance and the way he walked or tried to concentrate. I began to fill the cup with cold water from the faucet. I stared at the reflection in the water. Even I could see how unsteady I was by my own reflection. I drank the entire cup of water, hoping it would help calm me down somewhat.

I could feel his glare. Suddenly he asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

I stared at the sink when I answered, "Got into a fight."

He chuckled and replied, "You? A fight? Yea right. I don't believe that shit. So don't lie to me."

Then don't lie to me saying you're never drunk, you drunken bastard. I sighed, "It's the truth. I ain't lyin' to you."

Suddenly, his fist came out of nowhere. It smacked me square in the face. I fell backwards, hitting my head on the counter as I did. I fell to the tiled floor with a grunt. Since I hit my head so hard, my vision was fussed and my equilibrium was definitely off. Before I knew it or even focus, my dad was above me. He hit me in my side and again in the face. On his next punch, I was able to blindly grab it and shove him back. He took a few steps back while I pushed myself on my right side. I leaned on my elbow as I tried to catch my breath and vision. Suddenly, he kicked me harshly into my side, sending my back onto my back.

He continued yelling sloppy names at me while swingin' his fists. Finally through my stage of disorientation, I found a chance. He stood near my feet lookin' down at me. I was bleedin' by now and I wouldn't be surprised if my bruised ribs were back. He began to sway as the alcohol was startin' to really take effect since he has been over exerting himself. I drew up my left leg and kicked him in the balls. As he bent over, my right leg went up and kicked him square in the head sending him backwards. He smacked his head hard on the kitchen table. That hit along with the alcohol in his system, set him unconscious.

My breathing was labored and short. I painfully was able to sit up grasping my side. When I tried to stand, I doubled over in pain. Shit. My side is screaming at me and my face is numb. I'm pretty sure my calf has been bleeding from all this pressure. I tried to stand again, but I fell to my knees. I was sweatin' horribly while breathing on my knees. Tears were streaming down my face and continued to flow like a river. After what seemed like an hour, I was able to stand. When I reached the living room, I grabbed my bag with my left hand and my duffle bag too. I usually had a spare bag sittin' in the closet at the bottom of the stairs for these occasions.

It took me hours that night to reach Jackal's house. When I finally reached the front door, my vision was blurring and I was sweating profusely. My breath seemed like ice reaching my lungs. It eventually made my throat feel like it was closing up on me, making my breathing even more labored. I dropped my bags, not able to carry them anymore. I banged on the door as I leaned against the side of the wall. When Jackal answered, she instantly came outside. As she took my left arm over her shoulder, she commented, "Fucking Christ Cate. What happened?"

I tried to answer, but all that came out of my mouth was carbon dioxide. She laid me on the couch and called for her mother. Jackal grabbed my bags from outside and then came to my side on the couch. Her mother came downstairs and gasped when she saw me. They were both at my right side asking me questions. As her mom went to grab a cloth and a bowl of water to wash the blood off my face, Jackal faced me. "Cate what happened? You gotta give me somethin'."

I took a few breaths before whisperin', "DJ…dad…mostly dad."

She nodded. She had nothing but concern and sadness written all over her face. She looked down at the floor as she said, "I know you don't like or trust hospitals so I'll make sure you stay here. But, honestly Cate are you seriously injured that you need a doctor? I want the honest truth Cate."

I sighed and replied, "No…promise."

She nodded and stood as her mother ran into the room. As she wiped my face, the last thing I heard was their blurred voices talking 'bout me. My eyelids suddenly became too heavy and began to fall. My body began to relax and I could feel the amount of pain and injuries I actually sustained. After a matter of seconds, I was pulled into oblivion.

I was sitting in darkness with a lost of time. Uh, my body feels like shit. What happened? I was at Jackal's the last thing I remember. Ah! My body hurts damn it. Alright, time to get up. Come on, open your eyes. It can't be that freakin' hard, but there so heavy damn it. Even though my eyelids were heavy, I was able to slowly lift them up. I saw I was on my bed in Jackal's room. I lifted my right arm to run my hand through my hair, but the pain from my side stopped me. I hissed in pain. "You shouldn't move."

I opened my eyes from the pain and saw Jackal at my side. She was worried and looked curious. I smiled and said, "Hey Jackal. Yea, you're probably right."

She smiled and rolled her eyes at me. I saw her wonderin' eyes as they traveled over my wounds. She returned her saddened eyes to mine. She whispered to what it seemed to herself, "What happened to you?"

I sighed and began to tell my story, "I walked out of school and ran into DJ and a pal of his. I made a few smartass remarks that he didn't like and then the kid pulled out a switch. We fought and I handled it. The kid sliced my calf and I rendered him unconscious, or so I thought. Then I threatened DJ and told him to stay away for his own sake. Then I walked home and got trapped by dad. He continued hittin' me 'til I found an opening. I rendered him unconscious, but it was probably me and the alcohol together that made that happened. Then I came here. That's it."

She looked at me and shook her head. Her hand covered her mouth in either shock or disbelief. I waited to hear a reply. "What did you mean by so you thought?"

I looked away from her. I covered my face with my left hand and ran it through my hair. I took a breath and let it out slowly. I couldn't think of any other way to say it then bluntly. "The kid is dead."

She closed her eyes and sighed. Her hand still over her mouth. She asked, "You killed him?"

I looked at her angrily, "It's not like I wanted to or that it was on purpose. But, yea. He came at me with the switch and I just let my reflexes and instincts take over. I did a move my dad taught me from his old army days when I was young."

She looked to the floor and responded, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

I sighed and moaned. What a freakin' mess. My eyes and toned softened. "I know. I'm sorry I blew up 'bout it."

She nodded. My left hand reached into my pocket and brought out the switch. I held it up so I could see it. Jackie looked up and saw it. She asked, "Is that the switch the kid came at you with?"

I nodded and flipped it open. The blade still had my blood on it. I could hear a faint gasp as I opened it. I sighed and then flipped it shut. This stuff is wearing on us. We can't keep dealing with this. It's gonna age us faster from the stress. I set the knife back into my pocket. I looked back at Jackie and saw her staring at my pocket. "How bad are my injuries?"

She blinked out of her trance and looked at me. She skimmed over my body as she said, "Seriously bruised ribs, black eye, puffed up lip, scar above your left eye, scarred calf, and possibly a concussion."

I grunted. "Christ what a mess."

Jackie chuckled and commented, "Is it any other way with you?"

I laughed and replied, "Nope."

She laughed a little and then told me, "My mom got all the rest of your stuff from your house. Your dad was out cold while she was there so don't worry. You'll be stayin' with us."

I nodded. We sat in silence for awhile. I had moved every muscle 'bout a centimeter to see what seriously hurt and what I could move. My left eye hurt and my lower lip was swollen, but other than that my face was fine. My whole right side of my torso hurt. My bottom right leg hurt too from my calf. Good thing I was a lefty or this would majorly suck. My left side wasn't as serious. A little bruised but fine. Suddenly, a knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. Amy walked inside and smiled when she saw me awake. "Hey there. How ya doin'?"

I smirked and replied, "Just fine thanks. Thanks for grabbin' my stuff. Jackal told me everything."

She smiled sadly and said, "Of course. I wouldn't let you go back to your dads. Not after all this."

I nodded as a small thank you. She smiled and said, "Well it looks like you'll be stuck there on that bed for awhile. We wrapped you up like a mummy since Jackie told me not to take you to the hospital."

I smiled and replied, "Well that's ok. It's the end of the year. We still have another week or something. It's only Thursday. So I can take tomorrow off and then the weekend. I'll be good to go on Monday."

She shook her head and commented, "You are one determined woman, Caitlyn. Alright, you just rest. I'll be downstairs if you girls need anything."

We nodded and when she left, I turned to Jackie. "Thanks, Jackie for not takin' me to the hospital."

She nodded and answered, "I know you don't like 'em. So I convinced my mom not to take you there."

I nodded and tried as hard as I could to suppress my yawn. It didn't work though. She chuckled and told me, "Get some rest. It ain't easy bein' all beat up."

I laughed at her comment and began to doze off. As my mind began to drift off, I remembered one small fact. As my eyelids shut, I whispered to myself, "Happy Birthday."

Before I knew it, I was back into oblivion.

Chapter 3

"Can't I graduate in peace?"

Well, Friday and Saturday were not exciting at all. I was on bed rest the entire time bein' bored out of my mind. I tried to sit up occasionally and just end up layin' back down in pain. The highlights of my day were cursing myself for bein' this dependable on others and this hurt. Sometime durin' Saturday night, I was able to sit up without too much pain. Trust me; there was a lot of pain. But, I could deal with it. I had to be better by Monday 'cuz God knows I refuse to be this helpless any longer.

Sunday came at what seemed like eternity of starin' at the ceiling. I was able to sit up without worryin' Amy and Jackal. Grant it it hurt like shit, but I didn't let them see the amount of pain it caused. I bet Jackal knows how much pain I'm in, but she won't say nothin'. She knows I'm head strong and stubborn 'bout bein' hurt and stuff like that. So durin' Sunday, I pushed myself to try to stand. My right arm was really wobbly to use and my legs weren't used to workin' yet. So when I tried, I was shakin' and swayin', but I told them I could do it.

Finally after about half an hour, I was on my feet. My right leg has serious pressure in it from the cut I took. I held my right side with my left arm as I got up. My body felt so heavy compared to the swiftness I'm used to having with my body. I was always swift on my feet and now it feels like I have to lift like twenty pounds to lift a foot. As I stood, I had my body get used to the pressure of gravity. I made some parts move once it seemed fine with holdin' me up. Eventually, my body was used to standin' up instead of lyin' on the bed. So I tried walkin'. That was a huge problem. Once I tried to put pressure on my foot, I almost fell to the ground. My right leg just 'bout gave out. I caught Jackal's arm and she helped me get back up.

Once I was stable again, I tried my other foot. I was able to deal with that one. Yea it was a little wobbly at first, but then it got its own balance back. So after a few hours of practicin', I could walk. A little wobbly, but hey, I was up and walkin'. I was able to eat actual food. During Friday and Saturday all I could eat was stuff like pudding and mashed potatoes. Since my ribs were getting' better, I am able to start eatin' real food instead of just food I can mash into a liquid. You never understand that kind of feeling 'til you experience it. Your stomach hurts 'cuz it wants food, but what's preventing you from havin' it is another part of your body. I'm sure I lost some weight, not that I need to, from not bein' able to eat much.

We were up in our room, when I saw the look on Jackal's face. I knew this look well 'cuz she got it whenever she was thinkin' hard 'bout something. I was unwrapping my bandage over my ribs when I asked, "What'ch you thinkin' about, Jackal?"

She was shocked I said something for whatever reason. I was hurt not a mime or something. She stared at me and I began to get an awkward feeling. I knew what she was thinkin' wasn't gonna be the best news to me. "What if they go after you?"

I was taken aback from the question. "Who?"

"The police? DJ? What if they go after you?"

I shrugged and replied, "Well, I bet the police are just gonna put it down as gang violence. I mean, come on Jackal, it's not like they have an amazing crime lab where they can find my DNA at the scene. Our police force is as poor as the neighborhood. DJ ain't gonna rat on me. I made sure of it. At the most, he even might help me. So you shouldn't worry 'bout it 'cuz I ain't."

"Just because you aren't worried doesn't mean I won't. You're probably right, but still you should do something."

"Like what? Flee the state?"

"No, but maybe change you appearance our something. Just in case there was a witness that saw everything. He may not have seen your face or recognized you, but gave the police your features."

I sat and thought 'bout what she said. She was most likely right. I hate to admit it, but it's a definite possibility. I pinched my nose with my left hand and asked, "Ok. So what do I do then? Or what do you purpose?"

She sat in silence, lookin' me over. I was unnerved by this for some odd reason. Suddenly, she broke my thoughts, "Change your appearance. Maybe change your hair color and length. Start wearin' hoodies or somethin'. You're always wearin' your graphic t-shirts."

I sighed and thought it over. I am certainly not changin' my hair color. I would look stupid as a blonde or a red head. Those colors just don't go with my face. I could do black or keep it brown and cut the length. I could start wearin' hoodies. Hoodies don't bother me except for when I'm skatin' 'cuz they weigh me down. I looked over at her and answered, "Alright. I'm keepin' my hair color, but I can cut the length. If we go get some hoodies from someone, I'll wear them."

Jackal smiled a wicked grin. What is wrong with this girl today? She is just creepin' me out with these facial expressions. I'm used to her regular happy and smart ass self, not some evil scientist workin' on an experiment. Suddenly, she ran out of the room and I was grateful for it. In a matter of minutes she returned with a pair of scissors. I saw her and instantly put my hands up. "Oh no. I'll get it done with someone with better skills."

I just got all the bandages off my torso and she could see the bruises that lay out on my skin. I knew that I couldn't fight her if she pushed the issue. But, if I act threatening enough, she might just let it go. I gave her my famous come near me and you die glare. She grinned at me and held up the scissors. Ah shit. She knows. After ten minutes of arguing, I gave up. I sat there sulking as she cut my hair. If it looks stupid or ridiculous I'm gonna be so pissed at her. I continued to see pieces of my hair drop. I became concerned really fast and asked, "How much are you takin' off? I don't want to be bald, you know?"

She laughed and replied, "They're lookin' for a girl with long, brown hair. So I'm givin' you really short hair. Put that along with the hoodies, it'll mess the cops around a little bit. It'll at least throw them off your trail. Oh and I threw away the t-shirt you were wearin' that night so you can't be spotted wearin' it ever again."

I was speechless. "You what? That was my favorite graphic T."

She shrugged as she worked at my hair. "Hey, it had to be done."

I grumbled and sat there pouting for the rest of the time. I can't believe she threw my favorite shirt away. It was my lucky shirt. I got out of a lot of crap wearin' that shirt. Well, not because I was wearin' it, but at the time I was wearin' it. So I always had it on in bad situations and ended up surviving them. It was in fact my lucky shirt. After what seemed like an hour or two for me, she finished. "Alright, you're good to go."

I slowly got up and walked to the bathroom. I gawked at my reflection. You…have…got…to...be…kidding? I ran my hand through my new short hair. "Jackal!"

She looked up in surprise from pickin' up my loose hair. "Jackal I look like a guy!"

"Exactly. Add your new hair to your hoodies and no one will think you're a girl. Plus the bandages make you look flat chested anyways, so it's the perfect disguise."

I moaned as I walked back to the mirror. Ok she has a point. It's a dude hair cut, but no one will think it's me. This look will definitely throw the cops off. I ran my hand through my hair again. Plus, it's not like I'm dating anyone, so I don't exactly have to worry 'bout how I look. I gave a heavy sigh as I returned to rewrapping my bandages. It's probably something I'm just gonna have to get used to then.

I woke up Monday morning with only pain in my ribs and right leg. My face was getting' better. I still had a black eye as dark as the night sky, but my lip was back to normal. There was a little scar on the top of my left eye that someone could only see if they concentrated on lookin' for it. My calf wasn't bleedin' anymore; just had this huge scar. It looked more like a membrane formed over the cut, 'cuz it still hurt like it was bleedin' and it was still red on the skin around it. Cuts like that aren't goin' to heal just over the weekend. I was still limpin' a little when I walked, but I tried not to when I was around Jackal and Amy.

I took my shower, which can be painful if the water is too hot or whenever I try to wash my hair. But since its short, my hands don't have to work at it for long. I guess havin' Jackal cut my hair wasn't so bad. After my shower, I slowly and quite painfully got dressed. I ran my hand through my hair. It spiked it a little bit. I laughed and looked at it. Not bad. It doesn't look all that bad. I think I even look good with this hair cut. Yea I look like a guy, a very feminine faced lookin' guy. But, still looks good. Amy got a hoodie she had in the closet and set it out for me.

I went to school with slightly baggy pants, black hoodie, and short spiked hair. Yea, totally a guy's look. The pants hugged me well, but were comfortably baggy. So, not really what a guy would wear. I was able to go through school with only looks from my teachers. Students there don't really give a shit 'bout anyone. After school, I walked out and saw DJ on the sidewalk. When he noticed me, I saw a tiny flinch in his body language. I stopped walkin' and waited for him to do something. He noticed I did this and nodded his head towards me. I nodded back and started on my way "home". So, it looks like he listened after all. Once I was out of sight, I had a grin across my face. Hell yea, it's 'bout time that jackass is out of my life. An ego boost is not something I needed, but it's something that I definitely got.

My downfall has always been my pride. I was a very proud person. It's just a part of me. Once I was with Jackal, I set my bag down and went to the kitchen. I grabbed an apple and tossed up in my hand while I grabbed a seat. Jackal saw me and asked, "What got your ego up?"

I smiled and replied arrogantly, "The little bastard took my warning. I ran into him and he nodded to me."

She stared at me in disbelief. The big bad gang master was scared shitless of a girl from school. Yea, that's definitely an ego booster. She smiled from ear to ear and asked, "Are you serious? He just nodded and let you pass by without any confrontation?"

I nodded as I took a bite from my apple. Jackie sat back in the kitchen chair in shock. She still held the smile on her face but she couldn't believe it. She giggled a little and whispered, "Wow."

After I swallowed my bite, I grinned and said, "I know. I'm awesome."

Jackie snorted at my comment. Today was a good day. I don't even care 'bout the pain in my body. Right now, I'm on cloud nine. I admit that it's not the smartest thing to be so proud of myself at one time. It can cloud your eyes from what's goin' on around me, but I couldn't help it. No one except Jackal knew how much a pain in the ass that kid was to me. I'm surprised he listened to me and actually looked threatened. Instantly, as the thought crossed my mind, my grin fell off my face. My grin turned into a serious meditation look.

Jackal turned to me concerned, "I know that look. What's up?"

I turned my attention to her and grinned broadly like I did before. "Nothin'. Just thought I forgot somethin'. I got that feelin' that tells you you forgot somethin', but it was a false alarm. Don't worry so much, you'll get wrinkles, you old hag."

Jackal huffed and responded, "I'm no old hag."

I chuckled and said, "Well, not yet anyways."

Jackal just glared at me and I grinned at her. It's always so easy to get her off track. Something I always liked 'bout her was that I could always change the subject if I didn't want to talk 'bout it. I took a breath and let it out slowly. I can relax for now; I'll worry later. I know this ain't over 'til I'm dead. I thought it would be peaceful the rest of the day; wow…how wrong was I? Hours later, Jackal was chillin' out with her mom in the kitchen. I knew they needed their space…you know, mother/daughter time. So, I chilled upstairs in our room, readin' a magazine I found under Jackal's mattress. It was a good read; she won't mind. Suddenly, I heard Jackal scream.

My heart skipped a few beats and instantly I was on my feet. I began to skip the stairs down until I got half way down, then I jumped. When I landed, pain shot like a bullet through my body. I almost fell on my face, but my right hand held me above the floor when I landed and my left went around my ribs. It hurt like hell, but Jackal's safety meant more to me. I overlooked the pain and ran to the kitchen. My breath was labored and I felt the blood rush out of my face. I almost fainted so I stood next to the wall for support. Amy and Jackal both stared at me in concern and shock.

While leaning against the wall, I caught my breath. "What the hell, Cate? Are you ok? You freakin' scared us half to death!"

Oh thank God. There ok. I looked around and saw no one else in the house. My fear subsided and the pain in my body got worse. My calf felt like it gave out and my ribs were pulsing. Fuck. I slid down the wall 'til I hit the floor. I took a few more breaths until I was able to say between pants, "Sorry…Thought someone broke in….Heard you scream."

Amy smiled and came to my side. Jackal stood where she was with her hands on her hips. "What in the world would you have done anyways? You're injured remember?"

I smirked at her comments and replied, "Well, ya it's hard to forget. But, I was…"

I was about to say worried. I don't know why I didn't but I didn't. I never liked to say how I felt. They know I'm very overprotective of them. I promised Jackal a long time ago that I would protect her. She's like a little sister to me. Not something I ever admitted; maybe if it was just between the two of us. It's a habit to protect those I know. I sighed and answered, "I was actin' on instincts. I heard you scream and thought someone broke in."

Jackal sighed and stared at me with an apologetic look. She told me, "You know your instincts are startin' to scare me."

I grinned and said, "So, what's with all the excitement anyways?"

Jackal was shocked, "How did you know I was excited? You thought someone broke in."

I shrugged. Well, duh Jackal. If you weren't frightened then you had to be excited. If no one else was here, then you screamed out of excitement. You're not afraid of spiders or anything like that, so that's the only logical reason. Hahaha, wow. Something I actually learned from math, the elimination process. That's something new; I had no idea that would actually work in life too. I saw Jackal lighten her stiffness over my actions and replied, "Well, if you must know. I just got my letters from Ovattio University! I gotta full ride!"

I slowly stood up and went to hug her; not somethin' I do often. But, she deserved it. She's leavin' this dump for an impressive prep school. She accepted her hug with pride and I mentally hissed at the pain. Her mother gave her a huge hug. Both had smiles from ear to ear. It was a very picturesque moment right there. I smiled and leaned against the wall. It felt good to give my right side a break for a little bit. If Jackie got her letter, I wonder if I got mine. I was pulled out of my thoughts as Jackie squealed and talked 'bout how we should go out for dinner. She was definitely in the celebratin' mood, I'll give her that. I've never seen her get so excited. As her and her mom got ready to go, I told Jackal I'd pass on going to dinner.

"Oh, come on Cate. I want you there. It will be so much fun. Please."

I shook my head and told her, "Sorry, I guess I'm just not up for it. My side's killin' me and so is my calf. Besides, this will be a great opportunity for you and your mom to have time to yourselves."

She looked at me questionably and I shrugged my shoulders. I hope she's not hopin' for another explanation 'cuz I don't have another. I hate it when people try to probe me. It never works. People always try to know how others work, but I like to keep them on their toes; makes me unpredictable. She gave up on the matter; she probably knew one way or another I'd win. Soon enough her and her mother were on their way to dinner.

It was dead silent in the house once they were gone. I could hear dogs barkin' in the neighborhood and the faint sound of sirens in a distance. Someone's in trouble; cops are out. Well, it's around five. That's plenty of time to check on the mail and get back. Jackal and Amy won't even know I went there. They'd be so pissed if they found out I did go there. I wonder if dad's home. What if he's drunk? What if he's just waitin' for me? I suddenly found myself in the middle of an internal debate. I can't tell which side of my brain's gonna win though.

Come on, we can do this. What? It's a quick run. Run down a couple of streets then stop at the mailbox. We don't even have to go inside; the mailbox is near the sidewalk. So, what's the big deal?

Nah, we probably shouldn't. I mean really do we want to deal with the drunken bastard right now? We're still hurt from the last encounter we had with the guy. He's probably at home, drunk, and sittin' on the couch waitin' for us to walk through the door. Once we get that far, the fight is on once again. You really want that? True, the mailbox is on the sidewalk. But, what if he comes outside? Or runs after us? What if he comes home at the exact time we get there? It'll be a mess. That and we will come back, bloody and beaten; then Amy and Jackie will have to take care of us again. You wana be restrained to that bed again for another week or so? Graduation's comin' up, sure you wana miss it? It's just bad news, so leave it. Amy can go there when she gets back or maybe tomorrow.

Hey, she doesn't need more of our shit to deal with. Her daughter's goin' to college and she's gotta job; she doesn't need to deal with our shit too. If he's there, then we either run with the mail or fight if we can't get away. We can't fear him the rest of our lives, right? He can't dictate what we do anymore. He's a dead beat bastard. So suck in that anxiety and get out there. Instead of runnin', just take your board. That way if we need it, it'll provide a faster get away. He'll be too drunk to be able to follow us, especially if he runs. He'll trip himself. I'd bet money on it.

I sighed and grabbed my jacket off the stair post. Looks like I'm goin' back home. I grabbed my skateboard from the bottom stair and put my helmet on my head. I didn't fasten it though; I never like how it feels like its chokin' me. Plus, I usually don't fall anymore. I've eatin' the pavement a good amount of times to know what causes me to fall. I locked the door behind me and started down the road. My skateboard flowed over the street as I picked up speed.

The sun began to fall from the sky and the neighborhood was turning dark. The houses and trees became overcome by a black shadow from my viewpoint of the sun. As I passed by, my eyes became irritated by the strobe light effect of the sun and shade. As my left foot pushed against the street givin' my board more acceleration, my eyes floated up to the sky. I noticed the orange and yellow colors that covered sky. They blended together in a peaceful manner allowing the day to come to an end. Suddenly, my eyes found dye that was quickly spreadin' overhead. The red tint began to spread and take over. As I stared intensely at the color, I got a feelin' as if it meant somethin' to me; somethin' I couldn't remember.

Instantly an image clouded my vision; I stared down at two small hands. They were covered and dripped with a red substance that numbed my fingers. The hands were shakin' like a leaf in the wind. I closed my eyes and shook my head to get rid of the image. Before I could react, my face came in hard contact with the concrete. I grunted and felt pain go through my ribs again. I rested for a minute then started to climb to my knees. I wiped my hands against each other to get the dirt off. I got to my feet and saw that my skateboard was upside down behind me and my helmet was to my left. What the hell was that? A memory? Hallucination?

I pinched my nose as I closed my eyes. Whatever it was, just don't think 'bout it again. I sighed and grabbed my helmet. I set it back on my head while I walked to my board. Soon enough I was back to ridin' back to my house. I rounded the next left corner of the street and I could feel the street under my feet. The vibrations from my wheels went surging to my feet. Within minutes I was down the street from my destination... Please don't be home.

When I was a few houses down from mine, I popped an ollie onto the sidewalk. I kicked my board into my hands and approached the driveway. I noticed the living room lights weren't on and his car wasn't in the driveway. You never know. As I walked to the mailbox, I kept my eyes on the front door. My gut was in knots and squeezed tighter as seconds passed. I set my board against the post that held the box. I flipped through the multiple letters that were inside until I saw one from Ovattio University. I ripped it open and skimmed the letter. _We are proud to announce that you have been accepted into Ovattio University… However, we are sorry to say that you did not qualify for the scholarship program…some students that were in more need of the money. _

I did it…but, I need that money. I can't attend that college unless I got those scholarships… God damn it. I slumped onto the edge of the sidewalk. I gripped the letter in my hand. The rest of the mail fell out of my other hand, spilling into the grass next to me. I rested the back of my head onto the post. As I shut my eyes, I let out the breath I was apparently holding in. My heart sank and I felt like gravity just doubled. God…why? Just fuckin' why? I tried so hard…So fuckin' hard... It doesn't even matter how hard I tried, 'cuz in the end it all fell apart.

I didn't notice how long I sat there. And right now, I didn't care. When I opened my eyes, the sky was filled with stars. Not completely since most were covered up by clouds though. All I could hear was a dog barkin', but he was a good distance away from where I am. I looked down the street to my right and saw nothin' but a few street lights. They were the only street lights that weren't broken, but they didn't help much. The silence crept around me like fog settlin' over the ground. Before I knew it, I was embraced by the darkness and silence around me; sending me into my own oblivion.

I gave a deep sigh. Might as well head back to Jackal's. They're both probably home and wonderin' where I am. Ugh. I can't imagine the face of Jackie's face when I tell her 'bout the letter…maybe…nah, I can't hide this from Jackie. I couldn't pull the charade off for all that long. Eventually she'll leave for college and I'll have to explain to her why I can't come. Ah! Why does this have to be so God damn complicated? I wiped my face with my hands and rolled out the kinks in my neck. Might as well get on with it.

I climbed to my feet and stretched out my back. I must have been there for at least an hour 'cuz my back is killin' me. That and my body is stiff as hell. I saw all the letters still on the ground and picked them up. I should at least put these back. Dad'll be too damn drunk to even bend over without passin' out. As I picked them up, I noticed a name on the front of one that didn't look like my dad's. I held it close to my face since it was so dark. Fuck these street lights. Their all pieces of shit.

I could just barely make out my name or what I think is my name on the envelope. Another letter? Fuck that right now, one bad letter is good enough to ruin my life right now. I'll just bring this back with me and open it when I get bored or somethin'. I put the rest inside the mailbox and grabbed my board. I looked from my board to the road. Screw it, I'll walk. It's too dark right now to skate. Besides, I need to cool off before I talk to Jackie. I began my walk home and enjoyed the silence so I could think 'bout what I'm gonna say. Should I tell Jackie? Wouldn't it just be better for her if I just pretended I was goin'? Grant it she'll be pissed when she has to leave, but she'll meet new people at that prep place. Right? She'll be safer; so she'll open herself up eventually…hopefully…

It took me a little while, but I got back. I don't know how long I was out or how long it took me to get there. But, Jackie and Amy were waitin' for me in the livin' room. I walked through the front door holdin' my skateboard. I set my board and helmet down and then threw my jacket on the stair post. "Where've you been?"

I turned to see Jackie with a slightly concerned, slightly pissed expression. I shrugged and said, "Went skatin'. Needed to clear my head and do somethin'."

She looked away with a mostly relieved look. However, I could see the sad look in her eyes. A pinch of guilt pulled at my heart. "Hey. You ok?"

She didn't look at me. She continued to look at the door. Suddenly, I could hear her whisper, "I thought you probably got into another fight. Except this time…you weren't comin' back."

I smiled slightly, only a little. I knew Jackie always worried 'bout me. She shouldn't though. We all have our scars. I got mine and they taught me well. But, she's gotta be able to let these fears go, she can't control anythin' that might happen. I put my right hand on her shoulder and my other hand lifted her chin. "Hey. I'm ok. Nothin' happened and nothin' will happen. Promise. Ok?"

Her eyes softened with tears. "How can you promise that? Cate, don't you remember how you just got over the last fights you got into. You could have died…What if somethin' does happen when you're out there and we don't know 'bout it?"

I took a breath and answered, "I won't let anythin' happen to any of us. Ok? I'll take care of it; all of it. I'll be there for you guys. Always have, always will, Jackie. You two are my family, nothin' will change that."

A tear slipped down her cheek. She hated this; never knowin' if any of her friends would be there tomorrow. If somethin' would happen to them or her overnight. I gave her hug. These are just one of those moments that you have to comfort them, no matter what you say or promise. Even if it's impossible to keep or do, just givin' her the feelin' of safety is what she needs right now. She sobbed into my shoulder and I could feel my shirt startin' to get damp. I rubbed her back with circles as I held her. Jackie has her tough girl act that she usually wears. But around me, she let's herself show. She's scared and frightened. She never got used to lookin' over her shoulder like I did. She's not the kind of person who's strong enough to live in this environment. If she can get an education that gets her out of here and puts her where she belongs from this prep school, I'll make sure she stays there 'til she graduates.

I decided now was the time. Even if it's wrong to do this to her, she needs it. "Hey. Guess what?"

She looked at me while wiping her tears away. After she sniffed, she asked, "What?"

"I got in. Looks like we're both goin' to some prep university."

Her face lit up like Christmas. Much better than how it looked a few moments ago. She hugged me and basically squeezed me to death. I thought she was gonna cut off my air supply. When she got her excitement out, she pointed to my hand and asked, "What's that?"

I looked down at the envelope in my hand and said, "Don't know. I'll look at it later. Hey, I'm gonna get a shower. So, chill with your mom 'til I'm done then we'll do somethin' k?"

She nodded and commented, "Looks like you need one. You got a scruff mark on your face. What'd you do?"

I shrugged and replied, "Skatin'."

She chuckled and left to check on her mother. I trudged upstairs. God I'm tired. I walked straight into the bathroom and set the letter on the sink. I ran some cold water and splashed it on my face. My jaw hurt from that little scruff patch from my meetin' with the concrete. I set my hands on both sides of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked from my short hair to the end of my long t-shirt. Man, I've changed so much. I look like some dude and I look so much older. The books weren't lyin' when they said that stress can age ya. I could see how tired I was in my reflection.

This has been one hell of a day. I stretched my torso out a little bit and sighed. Time to chill and relax. I stripped my clothes bein' careful around my ribs. I got into the shower and let the heated water hit my back. I stood there for awhile just lettin' the hot water hit my muscles. It felt good. So good I wanted to stay there, but I knew I should finish my shower so I don't spike the water bill. Once out, I was met with a cold breeze. Fuck. It sent a shiver down my spine. Yea, definitely missin' that hot water already. However, my body was a lot more relaxed than it was.

Once I was in some comfortable clothes, I rubbed the mirror with my hand to push away the fog. I spiked my hair with my hand. It was fun to just run my hand through my hair and be done with it. Guys have it so easy. Girls usually spend like an hour on their looks every mornin'. I didn't, but most girls do. I put my hair up or left it down but only allowed myself to spend like twenty minutes max on it. I looked down at the sink and saw my letter just sittin' on the edge. It sat there like it was teasing me. Yea sure, open it and let some other bad disaster news ruin our day.

What the hell. I grabbed the envelope and ripped it open. From the bank? Huh? I never went to the bank in my life…Inheritance? Holy Shit! My eyes got wide and I went to run to Jackie. As soon as I took a quick step, my foot shot straight out from under me. I slipped onto the floor with a loud thump and grunt. The water on the tile floor from my shower disabled my ability to run. I quickly got up and ran downstairs. I took every step down the stairwell this time so I didn't hurt myself.

I ran into the kitchen and saw Jackie helpin' her mother bake somethin'. I don't know I'm too distracted by my own excitement and thoughts I didn't focus. Jackie turned to me and asked, "Cate?"

I took a few breaths and said, "You have got to read this!"

She snatched the letter from my hand and her mother read over her shoulder. I watched as her eyes widened like mine did. She screamed, "Oh my God!"

Her mother read the entire letter and still looked in shock. She just stared at the letter. I walked over to her and looked at the amount in my account I just received. Jackie got to her mother's other side and commented, "That's a lot of zeroes on the end of that number."

Looks like my dad failed to mention that when I turned eighteen I would receive my inheritance and the money mom and he put aside for me. Who'd a thought that I would end up with this? With this kind of money, I can actually go to college with Jackie…Wait…That's what they meant. I didn't apply for the scholarships 'cuz they saw how much money I got when I turned eighteen. Jeez they could have at least told me 'bout it. I thought I'd be stuck here. My outlook just did a complete 180°. I can help support Amy and Jackie with this money along with myself.

I couldn't stop smilin'. I just hit the jackpot and lottery. Eat this you scholarship program. Jackie suddenly asked, "So, what are you gonna do with all this money?"

Without thinkin' I replied, "Pay for college."

She looked at me confused and asked, "I thought you told me you were goin'? So why would you spend money when you already got it paid for?"

I gave a sheepish smile and explained, "Well, yea 'bout that. I got accepted into the school, but not for the scholarship program…"

She fumed when she yelled, "You lied to me? What were you gonna do when I had to leave and expected you to come with me?"

"I…I didn't get that far into thinkin' 'bout it."

She crossed her arms and huffed. Ah man, she's pissed. Great. Suddenly Amy chimed in, "Well, you'll definitely be able to pay for all fours years plus extra expenses. Are you gonna get your license?"

I smiled and said, "I already got that."

Jackie turned to me incredulously, "What? When?"

"When I was like sixteen or seventeen."

Amy asked, "Why didn't you tell us?"

I shrugged and answered, "Well, it's not like I could afford a car, so why bring it up? Besides, you guys never asked anyway."

Jackie rolled her eyes and asked, "You gonna get a car then?"

I turned to her and commented sarcastically, "So what? I can drive your butt around everywhere?"

She smiled innocently and replied, "Maybe."

I laughed and said, "Yeah. Why not? I got my license and the money."

Jackie burst out, "Sweet!"

Amy handed the letter back and asked, "What kind of car are you gonna get?"

"You mean what car are we gonna get."

Amy looked at me shocked and puzzled. I smiled and said seriously, "What you think that I'm just gonna leave you two now that I have money? You need a better car than the old junked up one you have in the driveway."

She looked at me gently and replied, "Cate I can't it's your money. I'm ok really."

I closed my eyes and replied defiantly, "Nonsense. I won't take no for an answer. We are both getting' sweet new cars. That's that. You deserve it."

She hugged me tightly and I returned it. I owed it to her. She's done so much for me and I'm not even her daughter. She was always like my mother. I wouldn't abandon her for money. Jackie blurt out, "Oh yea! Then I get one!"

Amy and I both said simultaneously, "Yeah right."

"Wow what's with the harshness?"

I laughed and said, "Jackal, you suck at drivin'."

She looked to her mother who just nodded her head. She gave a defeated look and sigh. It was gonna be some fun couples of days before graduation.

So for the next couple of days Jackal and I would always be together…well, more than normally. We are always talkin' 'bout what to spend my money on in the future. We would even get together durin' lunch at school. Normally we wouldn't see each other at school. She had lunch friends, but they weren't real friends to her. They were just good school friends. They never got farther than helpin' each other with school work or talkin' 'bout somethin' school related. So we pulled in the extra effort to find each other when we had free time.

Both of us had a list for what to do with the money: pay for college and extra expenses, get a sweet car, take care of Amy and Jackie, get Amy a new car, save part of it in the bank for myself in case of emergencies. Those were the top things to do. There were others like savin' up for an apartment for myself after college, move out of the state, and help improve Amy's house or even buy her a new house. She has a decent house, but it could stand some help in a few areas. Not a bad list. Jackie still bugs me 'bout how I got so much money, even from my parents. It does sound like a lot more than what other kids get from their parents. I know all the reasons the amount was so high and maybe sometime in the future I will tell her. But, not know. I don't like talkin' 'bout it; well most of it anyway.

It was the end of Thursday for the week finally. Not like this week has been the best or whatever, but I hate this place. I hate bein' there with all the people I despise. I can't wait for college. I packed my crap into my bag and headed out the doors. The sun hit my face and blinded my eyes. Note to self: buy sunglasses. I squinted my eyes and tried to keep the sun from blindin' my vision. Jackie and I were fully ready for tomorrow and this weekend. Tomorrow is our last day of school. Saturday is graduation. Hell yea. Graduation! The rest of the night was pretty borin'. Jackie and I just chilled at home and talked 'bout the college and our possible dorm rooms.

Tomorrow went by fast. We turned in our school books and then the teachers let us do whatever afterwards. I chilled in my seat and watched my classmates talk to each other. People watchin' is the most interestin' thing. I always get intrigued by the way I see people react to their friends or gossip they hear. I learn so much 'bout people by watchin' them. I learned a while ago which girls were the gossip spreaders, which were the book worms, which were the look obsessed girls, and which just didn't care 'bout much. I also learned which guys were in gangs, which guys were in which gangs, which were druggies, which were the drug dealers, which were sports orientated, and which were sex addicts.

I didn't associate with many or any of them. I never liked them by what I observed. It took forever for the bells to ring durin' class today. I mean I got so bored durin' my classes it was ridiculous. I would have rather left my classes after I turned my books in to the teachers. I doodled on pages of extra school paper and then watched everyone. I swear I'm not a creeper or stalker. I'm just curious 'bout people's habits and how they react to their environment. I'm pretty sure they have a name for people like me, but I don't know what it is. Finally after listenin' to many IQ droppin' conversations, the day was over. I am free. I stretched as I left the buildin'. Finally! See ya crappy school and fuckin' annoyin' people. I'll never be seein' you again.

The sun was invitin' and I couldn't reject it. It put me in a better mood than I was in school. Somethin' happens when the sun hits my face. It just lightens up my mood and I just feel happier or more relaxed. I didn't have to carry books home anymore or even carry my bad home. I threw it away after school. I won't need it anymore. If I need one for college, I'll go buy one. It's weird; havin' the ability to say I'll just go buy one. I sound like some spoiled rich brat. I swear I'm not and I won't become one. Their annoyin' and don't appreciate nothin' around them. But, now I can go home, get some sleep, and get my diploma tomorrow. Never thought I'd actually get one.

Saturday I woke up to the most hyper active and over excited Jackie than I've ever seen in my life. I thought finally got into drugs or finally overdosed on caffeine. Once I asked her 'bout it, she punched me in the arm. Then she scolded me 'bout even thinkin' she'd get into drugs. Amy made the most amazin' breakfast ever that mornin'. She made us waffles with strawberries and fruit on the side. She even had some sausage. I can't remember the last time I had anythin' but cereal for breakfast. I love my cereal, but a breakfast like this was like breakfast for the rich to me. Technically, that would include me now, but I don't think I'll ever refer to myself as rich.

Jackie was in the bathroom for forever today. It took me an argument just to get her out so I could use the restroom. She told me to go buy another bathroom, but at the time I couldn't fight her verbally 'cuz I was concentrating on not peein' my pants. An hour or two before the ceremony she was finally out of the bathroom and got dressed. I spiked my hair with some gel and brushed my teeth. I got my robe on and met Jackie and Amy downstairs. Amy had us stand together and she took a picture with the camera I bought her. I knew she was gonna need one and Jackie was definitely gonna need one for college. She loved takin' pictures. We were in our cap and gowns. I couldn't believe it. We are graduating. We are no longer confined to that school and chained to those crappy lookin' desks. We're grown up women now off to college.

We arrived early and took our seats. Is it bad that I got bored durin' my own graduation? The speech from our valedictorian took forever and I didn't listen to it after the first five minutes. Then the principal gave her speech and none of us listened to her. Never did durin' our years there so we won't when we leave. Finally, they started handin' out our diplomas. Parents would go into the main aisle and take pictures of when their kid would receive their diploma. I cheered wildly when Jackie got hers. I knew it upset the principal 'cuz she wanted everyone to be quiet until they were all given out. I didn't care much for that little notion. I was near the end since they went alphabetically from the last name. I could hear them announce Caitlyn Pertz. I walked up the stairs while I held up my gown so I wouldn't trip. I walked toward the principal on the stage. I could hear my own footsteps against the wooden stage. This is it. I'm graduating. I shook her hand and received my diploma.

Once I got my diploma and stood back in my seat, I unraveled the document. It was covered with fancy writing and borders. Even though it was just a flimsy piece of paper, it felt so official. This little scrap of paper shows that I got an education. I finished high school on my hard work. I felt so immensely proud of myself and honored. You'd be proud mom, Tim. Suddenly the room erupted in applause as the rest received their diplomas. We were all dismissed and instantly outside, I went to find Jackie. After a few minutes of maneuvering in the crowd, I found Amy. She gave me a hug and looked at my diploma. She was so excited and proud of Jackie and me for graduating. I looked around and suddenly spotted Jackie waving wildly at me as she ran towards us.

She ran into me and embraced me with a bear hug. I laughed and hugged her back. Her mom held on to both our diplomas and we soon left for home. We celebrated with a huge home cooked dinner. Of course, Jackie and I helped cook. Well, mostly Jackie. I end up burnin' stuff or breakin' things. The kitchen turns into a battlefield with me there. So I like to sit and watch. Although sometimes I stick my comments out there and receive nasty looks since I'm not helpin'. After dinner, we sat and watched TV as Amy showed us all the pictures she took at the ceremony. We didn't bother to go to the after party or reception. We wouldn't have hung out with anybody but each other. So why go? We thought it would be better if we celebrated at home.

While the sun was still out, I told Jackie I'd be back in time for our favorite show. I wanted to go for a walk. I felt like I needed some thought time. We loved watchin' American Idol reruns. We usually ended up talkin' 'bout how some of those people can't sing and why they end up embarassin' themselves on television. I grabbed my jacket and headed outside. Even when it was hot, I wore a jacket. It's just a habit for me to be wearin' one. I can't help it. I like havin' the feelin' of wearin' one.

I walked down the street lost in my thoughts. I can't believe I graduated. There is such an amount of relief that just falls off my shoulders when I think 'bout it. I enjoyed the slight breeze my face was receiving. It was calming. The weather was soothing tonight. I love this kind of weather. The suns out, but it's not scorching hot. Also, the breeze is blowin' enough that a jacket is fine for just standin' or walkin' outside. My kind of weather…I turned the corner at the end of the street and was greeted by none other than DJ. Shit. I instantly got concerned. I knew it. I knew it the day he nodded to me. Some of his gang buddies were around us. I could see there was a majority of the gang here. Fuck. Aren't I special? My heart beat doubled in speed and my stomach started nottin' up. This is not good. Not good odds here, Cate. I gotta do somethin' or they're gonna kick my ass. 7:1. Yea really not good odds. My muscles tightened up and I could feel my brain rushing to give answers to my situation, but it couldn't think of anything.

DJ gave me a seriously pissy look and told me, "You really think I was just gonna let you walk after killin' my guy? You got lucky last time Cate. But, you like your odds now? It ain't lookin' good for you…I'm the leader of the head gang in this neighborhood. You know that? So you just pissed off the wrong guy bitch."

Shit shit shit. I could feel my anxiety and fear increasin' with each movement from them and me. I tried to steady my breathin' and just ended up makin' it worse... Sorry Jackie…The guy behind me came forward and I kicked his legs from underneath him. Time to end it or hopefully not die tryin'. I flipped out the switch from my last fight with these guys. I slashed the arm of the next guy who grabbed my shoulder. I kicked him in the midsection, sendin' him back. Two guys came at me with a lot more strength than I could possibly handle. One of them punched me in the stomach makin' me drop to my knees. The other kicked me across the face, sendin' me to the concrete.

My face pulsated with pain and my eyes fluttered close. The last image I saw was the feet of someone standin' over me. I could hear a man's voice, but it was so blurred that I couldn't understand them at all. Then I could feel rough hands pull me up and drag me. But, that's all I could feel before I was forced into oblivion once again.

I woke up with a groan. My head is killin' me and my wrists hurt. What the hell happened? DJ…and his gang…ugh fuck. Did they kill me yet? I stretched my neck and moved my head against the street. I think it was pavement. Felt rough like it. My hands were tied and so were my legs. That gave me some comfort. No pain in the lower half so they didn't rape me. Ok not so bad. For now anyway. I tried movin' my fingers and toes to make sure I didn't lose any circulation. All good. I finally opened my eyes to see the inside of a van. Great. How non-original. Put your victim in the back of van as you plot what to do with them. I saw my switch on the floor behind me. It must have fallen out of my pocket durin' the ride. Good thing they took it with them the idiots. I flipped over to wear it was and gripped it with my tied hands. I shoved the closed switchblade into the back of my pants.

If I try to get away now they're just gonna out number me and kill me. That would be pointless. I looked around and noticed no one was in the van. What? Did they just leave me to rot in a van? Wow they are really… Oomph. Suddenly I was dragged out the back of the van. They dropped me onto the ground. I grunted and squirmed around to see my surroundings. Once I was pulled out, I could instantly smell water. The lake. They brought me to the lake? Why? Before I could ask, one of them gagged me with a rag. I started to fight against my bindings as they tried to pick me up. I eventually was too much for them and we weren't getting' anywhere. So they picked up my ankles and dragged me. The ground scratched against my hands and shoulders.

Suddenly, the ground changed from pavement to gravel. That hurt. Some of the rocks were sharp and some got caught in my shirt. After a few minutes, I felt wood rub against my hands. Eventually, we came to a stop and I was pulled up. I came face to face with DJ. A shiver ran down my spine as I guessed what was goin' to happen. I felt some weights bein' tied around my waist. DJ told me, "I'm gonna make you suffer and watch you die."

My stomach turned over. One of the few things I was scared of was slowly dying. Either by suffocation, burning, or drowning. Once the weights were tied, I was thrown into the freezing water. The weights were at least fifty pounds. I was sinking fast. My nose filled with water and my eyes stung as the water pressure was increasing. I squirmed as hard as I could to get out of the bindings. Instantly, my hands found the switch and pulled it out of my pants. I started cutting the rope without cutting my wrists. The pressure of the water started to disorient my vision and thinking ability. My fear was starting to overtake me. My hands fumbled with the blade and the more I noticed it, the more I struggled with it.

My lungs started filling up with water and I was getting seriously light headed. My stomach was ready to throw up everything it had. Finally the bindings on my hands loosened enough that I got them off. I cut the rope with the weights around my waist and started swimming toward the surface. The more I pushed myself, the more my vision started to go. I was forcing myself to go even though I was filling up with water. I had no more oxygen and I started to have an anxiety attack. My movements started slowing down. My body was floating to the surface and I could see that I was so close. I'm not gonna die here! Come on Cate! Pull yourself together. You can make it. You're so close. So damn close.

I burst through the water and gasped for air. Instead of air, I felt water all through the inside of my body. My vision started to darken and I clung to the pier post with my life. I kept my head above water and began to cough. I suddenly began to throw up all the water in my system. After the first couple of times, I started getting air through my pipes. I stayed gripping the wooden post as waves of water passed me. I took deep breaths and tried to keep myself conscious. The more I breathed, the more I wanted to puke.

I knew eventually my strength would give up and I would lose consciousness, so I needed to get out of the water. I looked up and saw the edge of the wooden dock. I reached up with my left hand until I gripped the edge of it tightly. I forced my right hand to grip the edge by using force on my left. My arms shook as I gripped the edges. I couldn't do this for long. Alright…on the count of three. One…two…three. I pushed with all my strength to get me up on the dock. Suddenly my arms gave out and I fell back under water. I gripped the post tightly again as I came up gasping for air. Shit. I'm too weak.

My muscles can't take it. I took deep breaths and coughed. Alright one last chance. My arms were burning for trying to use them. I gripped the edges once again and felt the heat that rushed through my muscles. Ok…go. I pushed up again and used my feet to push against the post. They were still bound, but I could use them. I got further and further out of the water. My body feeling heavier as I got further out. My clothes adding extra weight, pulling me down. I yelled as I pushed my muscles to the maximum. It felt like they were tearing on the inside as I pushed. Suddenly my torso hit the wood. I moved my arms out from under me and gripped between some planks of wood and dragged myself further out. My knees finally got onto the wood and I crawled further away from the edge.

I briefly looked around and saw that DJ and his gang were gone. Thank God. I flipped onto my back and took deep breaths. My muscles twitched and burned as I tried to relax. They were overused and it hurt like hell. I was soaked to the bone. The night sky covered me so even if his gang was still around they couldn't see that I made it out. How am I gonna tell Jackie this? She doesn't need any more concern 'bout my well being… Fuck. I'm too tired to think 'bout it. I took a few more deep breaths before my eyes fluttered closed and I fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter 4

"It's college time!"

I awoke to the sun on my face. I blinked a couple of times to adjust my eyes. It's sunrise. I groaned and wished I was home. Well, death is the ultimate cover up. I won't have to worry 'bout DJ if I lay low. Then when I go to college I can forget 'bout the bastard. I groaned again at the thought of moving. I need to get back to Jackie. Come on Cate move those muscles. I lifted my arms and rolled onto my side. Ok, gotta get up. I slowly sat up and stopped when I could feel my stomach turn. It was still filled with water. I felt like I just wanted to puke it all up right now. I pushed the feeling aside and got to my knees. My body is still a bit shaky so I better take it slow. I cut the remaining rope off my ankles and tried to stand.

Once I got to my feet, I stood still for a few minutes while my feet came back to living. A tingling sensation spread through my lower body as my muscles started to wake up. Once the dizziness faded, I started to walk toward the road. Ugh my stomach hurts. I can't tell if it's the water or if it's hungry. I walked to the road and looked around. There was nobody comin' or goin'. I sighed and started walkin' back home. I knew where the lake was. Jackie and I came up here a couple of times to swim durin' the summer. It's a few miles away, but at least it ain't in another state. I kept walkin' down the road 'til I saw a green sign. It's a couple of miles 'til the gas station and then from there it's a mile to Jackie's.

As I walked, I looked around. There were trees everywhere. The tree's buds were blooming and there were flowers in every couple of places. It was like takin' a peaceful stroll in the park. The people I was concerned over think I'm dead. I'm 'bout to leave for college. So I'm 'bout to leave this place forever. It's peaceful knowin' I got nowhere specific to be any time soon. As long as they didn't tell Jackie and Amy I'm dead, I'm gonna make it. Although, I still don't know what I'm gonna tell them. Maybe that I walked all the way to the lake and it got too dark. So I couldn't see where I was walkin' and I ended up fallin' in the water. Then there was a strong tide so I couldn't get up…Yea, I think that's believable. As long as I tell it with the right look on my face and in my eyes they won't know if I lied.

I continued walkin' for God knows how long. Suddenly, I could hear the faint sound of a car comin' up behind me. I turned around when the car got close. I guess whoever was inside saw me 'cuz they pulled their car out a little ways ahead of me. I stopped walkin' as I waited for them to get out of the car. This tall guy got out of the driver's side and I got on edge. I hate guys. I just can't trust'em. I saw him walk towards me with a concerned look. "Hey miss are you alright?"

I thought 'bout whether I should answer him. "Yea. Just walkin' my way to town."

"You look like you had trouble with water or somethin' 'cuz you're soaked."

Well no duh Sherlock. I almost drowned. I sighed and replied, "Yea, I had trouble with the lake."

"Well, do you need a lift? I could give you a ride. I'm headed to town anyways."

I don't trust strangers you idiot. Especially guy strangers. I saw that he had a truck instead of a car and thought for a minute. Well, if I road in the back, I could tell where he was drivin' so I would know if he's some weirdo or kidnapper. My legs screamed at me in frustration over walkin' any further. Yea even if I'm not supposed to trust strangers, I need a lift. "Thanks. I could use one. As long as I can sit in the back. Sorry, but I don't trust strangers."

This guy didn't give me the creeper sense, but you have to be careful. He nodded and I walked to his truck as he led the way. I wasn't gonna let him walk behind me. He opened the back and got into the driver's side. I climbed inside and shut the end. I found a blanket on the floor and started dryin' myself off with it after I saw that it was clean. He drove and I watched the road from the window. I could see where he was headed. True enough, the guy wasn't some weirdo. He took me to town and I asked him to drop me off a few roads away from Jackie's.

I didn't see any sign of DJ around. I climbed out and thanked him. I was relieved when he drove away. I didn't like havin' the what if nervousness I get around strangers. Just creeps me out and then my mind starts thinkin' of horrible scenarios I could suddenly find myself in. That's my paranoia for ya. I walked into the back yards. It's probably best if I keep out of sight. I hopped fences and went through back yards until I got to Jackie's. My body started relaxin' and my muscles were still twitchin' 'bout bein' overused. I walked through the back door and was greeted by Amy's shocked face.

Suddenly, I got a punch to my left arm. I grunted and rubbed my arm as I faced a pissed off Jackie. "Where the hell have you been? You just disappeared last night."

I sighed and dropped into one of the kitchen chairs. Jackie instantly saw my wrists and freaked out. "Cate! What happened to you?"

Amy rushed over and grabbed my wrists. They could tell something held my wrists together so there was no way my lie was gonna work now. Amy rushed back with her first aid and started wipin' down my wrists. They both stared at me and waited for me to say somethin'. I leaned back and said, "I ran into DJ and his gang while I was walkin'. DJ was pissed 'bout…well…his friend and wasn't gonna let me off the hook. So I tried to fight off his goons as they attacked, but there were too many and they were too strong for me. I woke up in the back of a van and then he tied weights to my waist. They threw me in the lake and left me to drown."

They gawked at me and I just closed my eyes to rest. My legs were dead right now and so was I. Jackie broke the silence with a soft question: "How'd you get out?"

I reached inside my wet pants and set my switch on the table. Jackie sighed as she saw it. Once Amy was done takin' a look at me, she stated, "We should call the police."

I shook my head and replied, "No…It's better if they think I'm dead. I don't want them comin' after you two or actually succeed in killin' me out of anger for havin' the police arrest them. There's not enough proof against them to say they did it. They would be arrested on suspicion and then released on not enough conclusive evidence."

Jackie slowly nodded and commented, "She's right mom. It might be best if she just laid low and let them think she's dead."

Her mom sighed and nodded. It made sense. Anytime they were accused of somethin', they were released 'cuz the evidence against them wasn't strong enough. Jackie helped me get upstairs and into the shower. Once I was cleaned up, Amy made me some soft food. She said somethin' 'bout since I drank so much water, my stomach might reject food even though it's starving. I ate slowly and she was right. Once the food hit my stomach, my stomach didn't want it, but at the same time it did.

It took me an hour to eat. I didn't want to eat fast so I wouldn't spend the rest of my night near the toilet. To me puking is only good to get a serious abs work out. Once I was done, Jackie helped me to our room and I relaxed on my bed. She sat on the edge and stared absently at me. I saw the absent look on her face and asked, "You ok?"

"Shouldn't I be askin' you that?"

"Nah I'm fine. Just a little water, nothin' bad."

I tried to laugh but ended up coughin'. "Yeah right, Cate. You almost drowned. You almost fuckin' drowned…"

"I know. I remember. But, I didn't. Listen, all we have to do is wait like two months and we're gonna be fine. We'll be away from this place and we won't ever have to deal with this kind of shit. I promise Jackie everything's gonna be ok."

She took a deep breath and nodded. I could tell she was tired. Tired from everything. Mostly me. I could tell. She didn't have to say it. We loved each other like sisters, but I'm wearin' down on her. Just two more months Jackie and you'll be free from your stress…even me. With that thought, I fell asleep from my exhaustion.

The next couple of weeks, I just chilled at home. I watched TV and listened to my music. I was really getting' into Allison Iraheta. Her music was good stuff. I never got into the heavy rap. It's just all crap. I didn't mind the music on the radio, but for now, my favorite artist is Pink. She's always been my fav. Her music always connected with me. Eventually, I would get urges to go outside, but then I remember DJ and I would find somethin' for me to do inside. But, as the first month of summer ended, Jackie and I were getting' out stuff for college. The college sent letters and emails to us sayin' that our dorm roommates were picked for us. They also told us where our dorm was and when we can move in. So we started shoppin' for all the stuff we would need. Of course, when I went I just kept low in the car so I couldn't be seen.

We got bed spreads, frig, drawers, clothes, and laptops. I helped out with the expenses with Amy. The house was packed with crap from both Jackie and me. I was snoozin' on the couch when Jackie plopped on my feet. I grunted as she landed on me and groaned when she started talkin'. "Cate. Come on wake up."

"Ugh…why?"

"We have to get our books."

"School doesn't start for another month Jackie. I know your excited 'n all, but you need to chill."

She smacked me against the arm and replied, "Well duh. But, we have to buy our books. They don't just hand them to us."

"What? That's a bunch of bullshit. Why would we buy books that we're gonna only use for a year? That makes no sense."

"Well, whether it makes sense to you or not, we have to go get them."

"Fine. How much are they?"

"$300."

I gawked at her. "Books? Fuckin' books are $300?"

She nodded and I shoved my face into the couch pillow. I mumbled into the pillow, "Fuckin' preppies pay $300 for books."

Jackie looked at me and laughed. "Try the other way genius, couldn't understand ya."

I got up and told her to get ready so we can go get our fuckin' $300 books. Better be damn impressive books for that much money. We went and got our crummy books. I still couldn't wrap my mind 'bout the amount of money I spent at one place… for books.

It was a week before school started and we were allowed to move in so we decided the sooner the better. But, I told Amy, "Hey before we start packin' up, let's get the last things on our school list."

Amy drove us to the car dealership. This is my kind of place to spend my money. I checked this place online awhile ago and made my reservation. When we walked inside, I went to the first guy I saw in a uniform. "Hey, I made a reservation online awhile ago. My name is Caitlyn Perz."

He checked his list. He wore his little uniform and looked like he was tryin' too hard to look professional. I wanted to laugh at the guy, but I held it in for later. Suddenly he said, "Oh yes. Give me a few minutes and I will have one of our guys drive it out front for you."

Amy ended up buyin' a huge, but reliable minivan. It would definitely help with movin' all our stuff. She traded in her old car and then I paid for her new one. So we waited outside. Amy sat in the driver seat of her new car. She was excited. She tried to act all cool and hold it in, but she was way overexcited. It made me smile. Jackie waited impatiently and said, "What's takin' so long? Honestly it's just a car, why don't they just drive it?"

I laughed before sayin', "I made a special request. That's why."

"Why?"

"'Cuz when I go to that prep school I wana make a statement. The best way to do that is with a sweet ride."

Suddenly, my beautiful new baby rolled around the corner. The engine purred like a cat and its sleek shine gave it an extra edge. It was an intimidatin' car and I absolutely loved it. My black 458 Ferrari stopped in front of us. Jackie's jaw hit the floor and I just smiled. Hell yea. That's my kind of ride. I slipped my sunglasses on and headed for the driver's side. The guy got out and handed me the keys. As he watched me get inside, he said, "Sweet car man."

I replied with a smile, "I know."

Once I sat inside, I gripped the wheel and felt the leather. This black Ferrari 458 Italia is a high performance sports car. That's why I got it. I knew it took the biggest chunk of money out of me, but it's paid for and mine. I had to wait forever for it to come in, but it came just in time for college. I was hopin' it would and that's why I had to pre-order it a long time ago. It's an 8-cylinder two seater berlinetta with a mid-rear mounted engine. This car is a beast by itself and with me drivin' I'll be the best lookin' person on the road.

The feel of the car reminded me of my skateboard since it just flowed over the road. This car was amazin' and I felt so badass in it. The wheel had serious grips on it and my hands loved the feelin'. The car's had racing seats with black leather and fit around my body perfectly. If anyone just looked inside, they would be confused on how to drive it. But, I have been readin' 'bout this car. So, I know how it works.

Amy and Jackie went back home and filled up the van with our stuff. They folded down the multiple back seats to make more room. I sat in my car a little ways off. If I drove into the neighborhood with this, every single person would be starin' and right now I want to lay low. I know buyin' this car was absolutely stupid for someone who wanted to lay low, but I only wanted to lay low here, not at college. It took them a few hours to get the stuff loaded since I wasn't there to help. Afterwards, I waited for them to drive by so I could follow.

The trip to school wasn't bad. I enjoyed myself. I popped in my favorite mix CD I had and blasted the music. My new sharp sunglasses made me look even better in my car. Thanks to its styling and aerodynamics, the wind couldn't even compete against my car. I saw the rays of sun that began to show from the edges of the clouds. This felt like the perfect day. I got my new car, blarin' my music, the sun is out, and I'm on my way to college. Seriously, I'm havin' the fuckin' best day ever. I couldn't stop smilin'.

We arrived to this beautiful campus. There was a huge sign before the turn that had _Ovattio University, bettering the future _inscribed on it. Accordin' to Jackie, there are twenty-eight buildings and it has sixty-five landscape acres. Damn... It was really amazing to see. The grass was vibrant green and healthy lookin' and students were already walkin' around unpackin' their stuff from their cars. I saw a few skaters on the street; they weren't too bad on their boards. The buildings caught my eye with their arches and bell towers. They had this old look to them and it reminded me more of cathedrals and churches than a university. We pulled into the student parking lot that was off to the left side on the campus map. I could see on the map that there was a huge center quad on campus. I know I'm goin' to be spendin' a majority of my time there. I love just layin' on the grass chillin', especially since the grass here is so healthy lookin'.

Amy parked her van on the right side of the lot next to a dorm buildin'; hopefully ours 'cuz I don't wana walk all that far with my heavy shit. I parked on their left. I noticed a few students droolin' at my car. I couldn't stop my grin appearin' on my mouth when I saw their faces. I could tell that the only thing they could say was damn! I got out of the car and leaned my arms on the top of my car door. I looked around the campus from where I was and just saw a bunch of students movin' in, some students layin' on the grass talkin', and some sport guys walkin' to their cars together. The sun was shinin' seriously bright on this campus. I wasn't used to such a peaceful and well taken care of place. It was a nice change of scenery.

Suddenly, Jackie pulled me from my thoughts, "Hey, hot shot. You know we could use some help. Don't wana disturb you from your car 'n all but we got stuff to move."

I scuffed at her comment and laughed mentally when I saw her carryin' her drawers set full of shit. Haha. Of course the first thing she's movin' in is that drawer set. It might look like it's filled with all her CD's and stuff, which is why her mom won't look suspiciously at it, but it's really filled with all her magazines she's been hidin' from her mother. They're not hateful or inappropriate magazines; her mom just doesn't like the media influencin' her. I took a breath and then shut my door. Alrighty, let's start movin' in. Before I grabbed a box, I lifted the car keys over my right shoulder and hit the button. No way I'm lettin' some rich punks stealin' my baby.

I shoved my keys in my jean pockets and grabbed a box. I looked around and asked, "Hey, Jackie? Where's our dorm?"

She sighed and pointed to a sign next to the dorm; _Hallvet Hall_. I eyed it suspiciously and then looked back at Jackie. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Ok. Thanks. Yea I can read, but where's our dorms?"

I covered her face in her hand in frustration. What? I asked a simple question? Jackie just answer the damn question, I don't like guessin' games. She put her hand down and said, "Didn't you read the dorm letter?"

I shook my head and said, "No. Why? You did; so where's our dorm?"

She huffed at my comment. What? I didn't read it; so just tell me where to put my shit. She reached inside her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Ah shit, she's gonna make me read it, ain't she? She walked over and I rolled my eyes. Damn it; it couldn't have been a simple answer could it? She skimmed it and then shoved it in my face. She held her finger to a certain paragraph. I squinted my eyes from behind my sunglasses and read, "Blah blah blah…Freshmen…in Hallvet Hall. There; honestly, you couldn't just tell me that?"

She gave me a peeved look and told me, "Keep readin'."

I scoffed and read, "Blah blah blah…borin'…don't care…Freshmen…dorm mates are chosen for each…wait, what?"

She nodded her head and replied, "We most likely aren't roomin' together. They choose our dorm mates for us."

I groaned at the horrible little paper. Damn it. I don't want some prissy girl or jock as a roommate or dorm mate or whatever… living partner; whatever people wana call them. I better not get roomed with a jock or so help me I'll clock him right where the sun don't shine. Jackie told me what room I was in and I went in search for it. I had to go up three flights of stairs. Ah fuck. You serious? Freakin' three floors up? And of course they don't have a fuckin' elevator. I grumbled to myself as I went up the stairs. I opened the door to the floor and walked inside. Hallways were pretty spacious. It was big enough for a two way highway for people so it won't get clogged when everyone is walkin' by each other. That's a plus. I walked down the hall and watched the numbers on the doors as I went.

289…294…299…Jesus how far is this thing? Aha, freakin' 304. I balanced the box in one arm and opened the door with my free hand. The room was clear so far; sweet my roommate ain't here yet. I walked into a very spacious room with one bed on each side of the room. Straight from me were two big windows with a nice view of my soon to be favorite quad. I took the left side of the room. I set my box next to the dresser that was at the foot of the bed. I looked to the left and saw the bathroom. Just one? Ah man, hope I don't get some dude with a lot of gel or somethin'. I saw that right under my side of the room window was a desk for me to do my work on. On the other side of the room was the exact replica of my side except for the bathroom.

I nodded at the room. Not bad; I could definitely live here. I walked back down to my car after I shut the door. I made at least like twenty trips up and down those fuckin' flight of stairs. I am really hatin' those stairs. Finally, the last box was in my hands and I walked into my room. I set the box onto my bed and took a deep breath. Finally! I started unpackin' and separated my clothes on the bed. Once all of them were in their piles, I set them into convenient drawers at the end of my bed. Once that was done, I threw the empty box on the other side of the room. I went through a lot of boxes and bags 'til I was down. I had my bathroom and mornin' stuff set down on the floor next to the bottom of my drawers, my clothes were in the drawers, and my desk was set. I had my bendable light plugged in on my desk, courtesy of Jackie who said I would need it. Whatever, I didn't care or mind much.

My multi-blue colored bed spread was all set up on the bed. My laptop was chargin' on my desk and my utensils all chilled in my bucket for them next to it. The rest of my stuff, like duffle bags and hoodies, went under my bed. I had a little hamper in the corner next to the bathroom set up for my dirty clothes. I think I'm all set…Wait, I forgot one box. I pulled out a small box left in the duffle I was holdin'. I dropped the duffle and opened the box. Some wires and connectors fell out of it and hit the floor before I could register them. I held my new camera and phone in my hands that Jackie insisted I needed. My phone was a NV Touch. It was a nice phone. She tried to get me a Droid or Rogue, but I told her this phone would be fine.

My camera Jackie had me buy was a TX7 Cyber-shot by Sony. It came with a touch screen and all that jazz. I turned both of them on and plugged them into the outlet next to my bed. There were two outlets for my side; one next to the bed and one next to my desk. As they charged and whatnot, I spread out on my bed and took a breath. I grinned at myself as my hands slipped behind my head. I stared at the ceilin'; I'm here, in college. I took a deep breath and noticed how relaxed I felt here and how peaceful it is. Jackie was right; it was definitely worth all the work.

Just as I began enjoyin' myself, my new phone rang. What? I looked at it and saw Jackie's number callin' me. I touched the answer button and put it to my ear. "Talk to me."

"Hey, mom wants you down here to her car so she can say goodbye to us both."

"K. On my way."

I shut the phone I set it in my other jean pocket than my car keys. I left my room once again and ran down those hateful stairs. As I left the buildin', I walked right into Amy and Jackie standin' by her van. I smiled and greeted, "Hey you two. You all moved in Jackie?"

She nodded with her smile and turned to her mother. She gave her a tight huge and they shared their goodbyes. Amy turned to me and I grinned. She laughed at me and hugged me. I hugged her tightly back and then let go. Amy looked to me and I could see the tears in her eyes, "Take care of each other, ok?"

We both nodded and she smiled. She gave us both one more suffocating hug and then got in her van. We continued to wave as she left. Once she was out of sight, Jackie turned to me. "You excited?"

"Ecstatic."

She rolled her eyes and commented, "I feel sorry for whoever has you as a dorm mate."

I chuckled and waved to her as I walked back into the buildin'. We live in the same buildin', but she's on a different side. Finally I reached my dorm and walked back in. Instantly I saw a petite figure unpacking a small luggage bag on her bed. The sun bounced off her brunette curls as she turned to me. She smiled and told me, "The guy's rooms are on the other side of the building."

I just stared at her and it didn't register that she said somethin'. I don't know why, but somethin' 'bout this girl just stunned me. I shook my head and looked down at my clothes. I forgot I still looked like a dude. Shit. She's gonna freak when she finds out I'm her roommate. I grinned and tried to keep my confidence. Damn it's been so long since I've had a decent conversation other than Jackie and Amy that I don't know how to talk with others. Hahaha, wow. That's a little messed up. "Uh, right, 'bout that. I'm…uh… yea, I'm your roommate."

She gave me a puzzling look and looked at her piece of paper. Those papers are bad news. She looked at me and asked, "You're Caitlyn Perz?"

I nodded and held out my hand. "You can call me Cate."

She stared at me for a brief moment and then shook my hand. "I'm Ashley Congeni."

Then she watched me as I lay down on my bed. Well, this is a serious amount of awkward silence. I mentally wanted to slap myself. This girl thinks I'm a freak. Nice, Cate. Good first impression. Hey, at least it's not a dude. Suddenly she broke the silence with a question, "Why are you dress like a man?"

I sighed. Come on, I should have seen that one comin'. Instantly images of DJ's friend clouded my vision. I could remember seein' my blood on his switch blade. My hands shook as my unconscious realized that I just ended somebody's life. I shook my head from the bloody images. I looked at the ceilin' and answered, "…Don't like skirts or dresses."

She contemplated my answer in her mind and then went back to her unpacking. I looked over at her and watched her unpack. I suddenly shook my head and returned to the ceiling. What the hell, Cate? Creeper much? I was mentally kicking myself as she headed for the door. I quickly noticed as the door opened and I sat up. "Hey, Ashley? You need help movin' stuff in here?"

She stared at me thinkin' 'bout what she should say. She replied, "Sure. That would be lovely, thanks."

I smiled and rolled off the bed and headed for the door. Lovely? Who says lovely? Well, this is gonna be a very interestin' experience.

We headed down those bloody stairs and out into the parkin' lot. You can always tell what kind of person someone is by the stuff they own. We walked over to this small movin' truck. Seriously? Did she rent a movin' truck for her shit? Damn…rich kid much? Well, I guess I can't really say that anymore since that would include me… She tried to get into the truck in her heels and dress. Not gonna happen girl. I smiled at her attempts and then figured I might as well help. I walked to the left of the truck and hopped inside. She watched as I picked up a box that almost covered my vision. It weighed like a ton. What the hell is in here? It's her stuff she's entitled to her privacy. I shouldn't ask. Just carry the stuff Cate. That's all you volunteered to do not get to know the woman.

I set the box on the side of the truck's opening and then jump down. I looked to her and told her, "Hey, it's probably not the best idea if you try to move this stuff upstairs," I pointed to her outfit, "That's not the kind of clothing for heavy liftin'."

"It's alright. It would be rude for me to let you just move all my stuff inside without helping."

I smiled and waved it off as I grabbed the box. "Nah, it's fine. Besides, you would probably end up breakin' your leg from those heels."

She walked with me as we walked back to our dorm. "Are you trying to say that I am not capable of heavy lifting or imbalanced?"

I smiled as I we walked down the hall. "No no. I don't know you well enough to say if that's true or not. However, your shoes and outfit would prove a challenge to such a task."

She held the door open for her and then set the box next to her bed. I wiped my forehead with my arm and asked, "What's in there anyway?"

I just had to know. The thing almost broke my arms. She looked at me and commented, "Just my things."

I stared at her. Things? That wasn't a vague answer at all. Like what? Clothes, make up, or accessories? I shrugged. That's what I get for pryin' into her life. Haha not like I expected anything more from her. I stripped my jacket off and through it on my bed. Liftin' this shit makes me sweat so bad. Might as well get some more crap up here, she had a lot in that truck. It took me a few hours to get the rest of the boxes up. As I went to get another box, she would unpack the previous one. So we had a nice little line goin' on. Once I got the last box up, I shut the door and lay down on my bed. I gave an exasperated sigh to relax my body on the bed. She looked at me and said, "Thank you for your help. Are you exhausted?"

I had my eyes closed as I relaxed. I heard her question and smiled. "Nah, it wasn't that hard at all. Just took forever to get those boxes up them damn stairs."

Are you kiddin' me? My arms are pulsatin' from liftin' all that shit; which I'm bettin' was all clothes or make up. She smiled and then went back to her last box. She had a pink sheet on her mattress and then a white overall blanket on the bed. It had orange and pink flowers coverin' it. Her desk was much more covered with colors than mine. Her lamp was a bright lime green and her laptop was white. Her luggage bags were all red and her clothes were…well there was a lot of them and plenty of colors for any occasion. I didn't see any of her bathroom supplies. Probably in the bathroom. I like to see my stuff so I know it's there.

Suddenly a ringtone blasted through the room. I recognized the artist as Kesha. Her music was good, but very weird. But, it was definitely party kind of music. I'm surprised someone like her has a party ringtone. I don't figure her for a party type, but they always say looks are deceiving. I saw her answer her phone and then started blabbin' 'bout headin' somewhere tonight. Once she emptied her last bag, she grabbed her jacket and left the room. Hm. Must be some get together with her friends or somethin'. I picked up my phone from my pocket and dialed Jackie's number. Jackie sang, "Hello?"

I grinned at her singing answer for her phone. "Yo."

"Hey! Cate! How's your dorm mate?"

"She's a work of art. Haven't figured her out yet. How's yours?"

"Alright. She's got a weird type of music she's into. But, we get along well. That and she's definitely smart and we have some similar classes. So she'll be handy."

"Coolness."

"Yep I'm so excited."

"Alright… I'm gonna go. I just wanted to see what was up."

"Ok. Check with me later?"

"Will do."

I shut my phone and stared at the ceilin'. Are you serious? I'm at college and I'm already actin' bored layin' on my bed? So not happenin'. I rolled off my bed and grabbed my jacket. I headed out the door and ran down the stairs. I put my sunglasses back in front of my eyes and grabbed my car keys. I got in my car and revved her up. I drove just out of campus and checked out the stores and restaurants around the area. There was a lot of fast food places here; Taco Bell, McD's, and Chipotle. However there was this small café that was covered by store buildings. It was off one of the main street and onto a neighborhood street. It was placed right behind the shoppin' mall.

I parked my car in the small parkin' lot and went inside. The place was nice and homey. There were high chairs near a bar table on the left wall. On the right side were a lot of small wooden tables with chairs or booths. The booths were all aligned against the wall. There were a few people there drinkin' coffee together. It looked like a small family business kind of a place. I walked to a booth in the corner and relaxed against the booth. Within seconds a petite woman walked over with a smile. "Hello sir, what'll it be?"

Am I that convincin' as a guy? Honestly? No matter. It'll just cause confusion and questions if I correct her so might as well just play along. "I'll take an iced tea with a lemon please."

I've never been one for coffee. It gives ya nasty lookin' teeth and bad breath. It's hard enough with people who smoke; ya don't need to add coffee as one of the other bad habits people need to quit. She nodded and walked off. I liked this place; small, deserted, and peaceful. Nice combination for a café. She was back in a few minutes and put my iced tea on a coaster from the table. I noticed her clothes were casual; nice t-shirt and a pair of nice jeans. I also saw there were family photos and random things along the walls. Yep, definitely a family business. I enjoyed my iced tea and rank it slowly. I was in no rush whatsoever.

I stayed there for half an hour just enjoyin' watchin' the few other people there converse with each other. Without me noticin', the waitress suddenly sat in front of me on the other side of the booth. She smiled and commented, "Hey. I saw that you were alone. Figured you might want some company."

I grinned and told her, "Thanks. I wouldn't mind it."

The woman was very friendly. Her smile sincere and I could tell that she worked hard. She didn't slack. She was a laid back person from the way she leaned and sat. She held out her hand and said, "I'm Mary."

I shook her hand and replied, "Cate."

She looked at me questionably. Oh shit, she thought I was a guy, remember? Should I start lyin' to people with a guy name to save me trouble or would that just cause more drama? I sighed and thought, well let's just deal with this girl then I have no idea after that. Suddenly she asked, "Why do you dress like a guy?"

I sighed. At least I didn't actually have to point out I was female. She actually understood from my name. I looked at her and bluntly said, "I'm not a fan of dresses or skirts."

She nodded and asked, "So you go to Ovattio?"

I nodded and her smile got brighter. "Cool. I do too. Who knows we might have some classes together. What're you majorin' in?"

I shrugged and told her, "I don't know yet."

She nodded. "Well, that's ok. Most people don't know until there sophomore year or even junior year. I'm gonna major in medicine. I wana help save lives as a doctor."

"That's great. So you work here huh? Tuition money?"

"Good guess. Yea, I got some scholarships, but they don't cover all of it. What 'bout you?"

"Nah, I'm all good. Just got my new car today."

"Wow, you're lucky. It's hard stuff. What kind of car?"

"I bet. It's a black 458 Ferrari."

"Are you serious? That's a rare car. It's also like major cash."

I nodded and asked, "Wana see it? It's right outside."

"Of course!"

She got up and walked with me outside. We walked to my car and gawked at it as she walked around it. I watched her inspect it and saw how amazed she was. It made me smile 'cuz I acted the same way. "When's your shift over?"

"In like an hour. Why?"

I watched as she got in the passenger seat and just ran her hand over everything as if it would break. I opened the driver side and leaned on the outside of the door. "'Cuz I can give you a ride back to campus."

She looked at me in shock. "Really? That would be so cool of you. Thanks. Do you mind?"

"Nah. Besides, I can hang around here for an hour. Is that alright with you?"

"Totally. We're probably not gonna have any more customers for today, so we can chill and talk inside. That is if you want to?"

I nodded my head and then shut the door once she got out of the passengers side. We walked back into the café and started talkin' at the same booth we were in before. I laughed and then asked, "So I'm kind of surprised by you, Mary."

"Really? Why?"

"You didn't freak out or stare when I said my name and you figured out I was a girl."

"Well, I don't discriminate against people and their orientation."

"Orientation?"

"Yea. I don't know why people think gay people are goin' against their religion or whatever. Love is love. If you can find someone that loves you in the world, then you've got it good."

I chuckled and took another sip of my second iced tea she got me. "What?"

"That's not the reason I look like this."

She looked at me questionably and looked as if she tried to figure it out by just starin' at me. "What?"

"I'm tryin' to figure it out."

"Hahahahaha. You're not gonna find out that way. That's guaranteed."

"Huh? Then what's the reason?"

"I'm not tellin'."

"What? Why not? You can't just say that wasn't the right reason and then not tell me."

"Sure I can and I just did."

She pretended to be hurt and said, "You're mean."

I laughed and then replied, "Maybe in time."

She grinned and we both laughed. The hour went by fast for us. We talked 'bout our favorite music and hobbies. She likes to run and swim. Her favorite music is Lady Gaga. We had a lot in common. Her favorites weren't mine and vis versa, but we liked each other's opinions. By the end of the day we were good friends. Her hour was up and she signed out. She said her goodbyes and then we walked to my car. We got inside and she was excited just to get a ride in this car. I chuckled to myself as I started the engine and watched her as she was in awe. We blasted my CD in the car and sang along to the music.

I laughed as she burst into song as she thought the verse came up, but it was still the instrumental part. She was embarrassed, but we laughed it off. Once we arrived in the parkin' lot, I parked in my original spot. By some weird coincidence, which is hard to say because I don't believe in coincidences, she stayed on the same floor as me and was a few dorm rooms down to the right. She was ecstatic when she found this out. I laughed and told her that I had to get ready for my classes tomorrow. She nodded and said she still had to unpack. We waved as we parted ways.

It was a cool first day. I walked into my dorm which surprisingly was still empty. Oh well. I took a refreshing shower and then got into my night clothes. I wore a large white t-shirt with black shorts. It was nice weather so I would die of heat if I wore anything else. I jumped and spread out on my bed. I made sure my alarm clock on my desk was set for ten in the morning. I don't like stayin' in really late. Another thing I loved 'bout college, ya get to sleep in. In 'bout an hour, I was sound asleep.

Chapter 5

"Let's not fight"

I woke up to the sun shinin' in my dorm room. It shined off the walls and straight to my eyes. I groaned and squinted my eyes as I moved around. Why sun? Why must you be so bright in the mornin'? Someone shut the windows or somethin'. I turned around and read my clock; 7:30 A.M. Ugh! Really? This early. Whatever. I'm up, might as well get up. I rolled off my bed and shut my alarm off. Once I sat on the edge of my bed, I noticed Ashley still sleepin'. When did she get back?

I ran my hand through my hair and stood. I stretched out my back and headed for the bathroom. I hate mornin's, and I hate the sun. I grumbled to myself as I turned the cold water on in the sink and splashed my face. Ugh, cold. The water might not have felt great, but it woke me up. Alright, wake up Cate. I wiped my face then started brushin' my teeth after I got my stuff from the bottom of my bed. I watched my reflection as I ran the brush through my hair. Once the knots were out, I ruffled my hair with my hand. Lookin' good. I went back to my drawers and started rumagin' through my clothes; alright, jeans, white shirt, and a red loose jacket. Once I was dressed, I grabbed my duffle bag and headed out.

School hasn't started yet. I still have like a day or two 'til classes. So, why not head out and check the campus out. I can scope out my new spot on the quad. I headed toward the center quad and was amazed. It looked perfect in my view. The grass was still vibrant green and they had pathways through the grass. The sky had a few clouds, but it was mostly sunny. They also had a huge center fountain that connected all the pathways. In each section the pathways surrounded, there were 'bout four trees in each. They were huge oak trees that provided excellent shade on the grass around it. I spotted out a tree on the other side of the quad from my dorm. The tree was near a corner of the quad and there was an almost equal amount of shade and sun.

I laid against the tree in the shaded grass and took out an apple from my bag. It was a sweet granny smith; gotta love these kinds. I chilled out and watched the other students in the quad. Some girls were layin' out in their swimsuits on towels and some were listenin' to music. I had this horrible feelin' that I used to get before comin' here. I feel like somethin' bad is 'bout to go down. This isn't good at all. I flipped out my phone and called Jackie. "Yep?"

"Hey, Jackie. What's goin' on?"

"Nothin' much. Me and my roomy are goin' to go to her friend's dorm to go over our classes 'n stuff. What's up with you?"

"Chillin' in the quad. Just be careful today ok?"

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothin' Jackal. Nothin'. Have fun with your friends. I gotta go."

I shut my phone and sighed. Somethin's goin' down and I don't like the fact that I don't know what's goin' to happen. I walked to the gym and threw my apple out. Maybe a workout will help calm my nerves. I went into the weight room and saw a lot of jocks workin' out. I started out with benchin'. I can bench eighty-five pounds. I usually do twenty reps with it. Then I move on to the other machines. I worked on my biceps, triceps, pecs, and back muscles today. It was a good workout. Some girls were watchin' me, which was kind of weird. But, then again, I look like a guy so I can't get mad 'bout it.

I was there for a couple of hours either workin' out or takin' a break. I watched some of the other guys work out and then I walked to the courts. There was a game goin' on between some guys. I walked in and leaned against the wall to watch. They took a break and one of the guys came over to me. He was like a few inches taller than me and had sweat all over him. He good in built and had dark skin. He asked, "Hey, man. Wana play? We're short one."

I didn't feel like correctin' him on the gender confusion, so I answered, "Sure. I don't mind."

He grinned and then headed back over to his friends. He let the others know that he got another player. I set my stuff against the wall and then jogged over. The others guys were similar in built; except there were two guys that were taller and less buff. They were all different in size, skin color, or sport. I could tell which guys actually played basketball and which played football or swam. We played a five on five game. I ended up as a forward for my team. I came down the court with the ball and got guarded with the guy that invited me, Jet. I passed to the man to my left and then ran inside. He tried to shoot a three, but was off a little. When the ball reached the backboard, I jumped and dunked it into the hoop.

I dropped down and got a few praises from my team as we headed to the other side of the court. I made a few steals and baskets by the end of the game. I grinned as I shook hands with the guys when the game ended. I walked out and noticed how much I was sweatin'. God, I feel gross. But, that was a fun game. I got back to my dorm and inside. Jesus she's still asleep. I set my bag down quietly and walked into the bathroom. I stripped and took a hot shower. My hair always gets so itchy when I sweat. I double shampooed my hair to get rid of the sweat and itchiness.

I got dressed into a similar outfit than before. I walked out with the towel around my shoulders. When I walked out, I saw Ashley was sittin' up in her bed. I smiled at her and greeted, "Mornin'."

She looked at me with red eyes and managed a hello. Jeez, she must have gotten really drunk last night or somethin' with those red eyes. I pulled out a bottle of aspirin and handed them to her with a water bottle. She looked at me questionably and I told her, "You look like you need it… I don't have germs."

She nodded and took it thankfully. I smiled and threw my towel into the hamper. Only half an hour left 'til ten. I sighed and sat on the edge of my bed. Might as well go to the cafeteria and get some real breakfast. I don't think an apple qualifies for that. Ashley set my bottle of aspirin on her desk and kept sippin' from the water bottle. Bet she has one hell of a headache. I commented, "Looks like you had fun last night."

She nodded and replied, "Yea."

I smirked and noticed her feet were a little red. "Bet you danced your night away."

She looked at me surprised and bluntly answered in a whisper, "You're really observant you know that?"

I shrugged and looked out the window. Why is this eerie feelin' hoverin' over me? Maybe it has to deal with Ashley? Nah. Look at her; she's like a zombie... I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. Maybe it was my nerves actin' up since I've been so relaxed. I'm not used to not havin' to worry 'bout getting' jumped when I go outside. This place is so new to me I just have to adjust. "Did you just get up?"

I turned to her and answered, "No. I had to take a shower 'cuz I was all sweaty from my mornin' workout."

She nodded and commented, "I can tell you work out."

I looked at her with a smirk and she grinned. Good to see her smile instead of the dead look. "I'm off to the cafeteria. You need anythin'?"

She shook her head. I nodded and headed out. The cafeteria was packed; good thing it was a huge place. There were a few cafés on the side of it, but I went in line at the mornin' buffets. I grabbed a bowl of Captain Crunch and a chocolate chip muffin. I sat in a booth next to a window. Better just calm yourself Cate. You're gonna kill yourself if you keep this up. I spent the rest of my day chillin' in the quad. I listened to my music on my iPod. I left the quad after around seven in the afternoon.

I was walkin' down my hall. What a lazy day. I actually can't wait for classes to start so I have somethin' to do. I don't know why but I just felt like I had nothin' to do today. Yea, I could have taken my car out somewhere and go out. But, I felt as if I didn't even own a car today. So my mind went blank whenever I tried to think 'bout somethin' to do. As I got closer to my dorm, my stomach turned. Somethin' serious is goin' down. Shit, what the hell is wrong with me?

I walked straight into…a make-out session. I froze with the door open, just starin'. They had no idea I just walked in on them. Well, this is awkward. I instantly shut the door and began walkin' back down the hall. I blinked a few times to get the images I just witnessed out of my head. Great, my roommate's a slut. That would have been nice to know earlier. Ugh, the dude was all over her on her bed and… wait God damn it. Stop thinkin' 'bout it. Suddenly, goose bumps flowed over my arms. Suddenly, I stopped walkin'. Wait, that's my room too so I fuckin' have a say to kick his ass out of the room. Alright, fine, or I'll just ask him to leave. Do the polite thing.

I walked back and froze before I turned the knob. Probably better to nock. I banged on the door and I instantly heard some movement. I opened the door and saw both of them standin' there. Some jock lookin' dude with short brown hair. His face was a little red. That is not an embarrassin' red either. I nodded to Ashley and she just looked at her boy toy. I set my things on my bed and turned to her. "Hey, Cate. This is Jet; he's on the lacrosse team."

I smiled. How did I know? Stupid jock. I held out my hand regardless what I thought of the guy and we shook hands. I looked back to Ashley and commented, "Looks like you're feelin' whole lot better."

She grinned sheepishly and replied, "Yea. Thanks."

I nodded slightly and my eyes went back to Jet. I could tell he looked slightly awkward in his position. I grinned and let Ashley work it out. I didn't like this guy though. Somethin' told me he wasn't right. I pushed the thoughts aside. Just 'cuz I haven't had the greatest experiences with guys, doesn't mean that all are evil bastards. Ashley walked a foot closer to the door as she said, "Well, know that you guys met, Jet I got some studyin' to do. So, I will just see you later. K?"

Jet nodded and I could see that the dude was waitin' for his cue to exit. I chuckled as he practically ran out the door. He and Ashley shared a quick kiss before he left. I sat comfortably on my bed. I bet she's gonna talk to me 'bout Jet. I saw Ashley turn back to me after she shut the door. "He's totally hot don't cha think?"

I chuckled in my mind, but kept silent. Whatever girl, he's your problem not mine. She sat in her chair and looked like she wanted to say somethin'. She turned to the window to watch what was goin' on outside. I was debatin' whether or not to actually ask. It could be a simple answer or it could turn into incessant babbling. I sighed and pulled out a penny. I flipped the coin and it rolled across her desk. She stopped it from rollin' off her desk once her shock left her face. She looked to me and I asked, "Penny for your thoughts?"

She giggled and replied, "Funny... It's nothin'."

"It wouldn't be nothin' if it's got your attention."

She looked to her hands and played with the coin. "You're really observant, you know that?"

I laughed and said, "I've been getting' that a lot recently."

She smiled and replied, "It's a long story."

"Well, give me the short version then."

She laughed and asked, "Have you… ever felt like you betrayed someone?"

I looked away from her. My mind got caught in my thoughts. I turned back and retorted, "Why do you ask?"

"Because that's the feeling I have right now. But, you never answered my question."

I shrugged and got up. "Didn't I?"

I walked into the bathroom and she shouted back to me, "No."

I gripped the sink to put some of my body weight onto my hands. I looked into the mirror before respondin', "…Yea."

I sighed and then walked out of the bathroom. I feel frustrated damn it. Why? Suddenly she's askin' all these questions and I start getting' nervous? What is happenin'? I ran my hand through my hair as I lay back down on my bed. "You look agitated."

I chuckled and asked, "Is it that obvious?"

"I'm sorry."

I sat up and looked at her questionably. "You have nothin' to be sorry for Ash. Don't worry 'bout it."

She gave a sad slight smile and replied, "I feel like I agitated you. For that I'm sorry."

I shook my head and told her, "Nah. It wasn't you. It…it wasn't you."

Ashley got up and reached under her bed. She pulled out a heavy lookin' bag. When she opened it on the floor, she pulled out a flute. I saw the masterpiece of the handy work put into makin' it. It must have cost a fortune for somethin' that beautiful. I watched as her delicate hands barely held the instrument in place. She sat on her bed and ran her hand thoughtfully over it. She looked as if she was recallin' a memory. I wanted to ask but I thought it best if I left her in it. She looked to me and asked, "This flute holds so much memories I forget the feeling that I get whenever I have it."

"Yea? And what feelin' is that?"

She looked back to the flute and replied, "Peace. Pure and simple peace."

I smiled as I could see the peace it brought her on her face. I watched as she continued to reminisce. Why wouldn't she play it? She wouldn't just lug it around just to look at it. "Why don't you play a bit?"

She sighed and then set it back into its box. "I'm sorry. But, I usually can't play in front of others."

I grinned and replied, "I understand."

She turned to me and asked, "You do?"

I nodded and lay back down on my bed. She huffed and stood. "Do you ever explain yourself or just leave people to understand you?"

I laughed and retorted, "I didn't know I had to explain myself."

"What? You think that everyone will just know what you're thinking?"

I groaned and commented, "I'd hope not, that would be a problem. Everyone would go mad."

She huffed and told me, "You're impossible. I don't understand you."

She smirked, "That's a good thing. You're not supposed to. And I thought I was observant?"

"Well…you are, but you're unreadable as well. Do you always keep people at an arm's distance?"

"Nah…I try more for a couple of feet. I like my personal space."

She chuckled and sat on her bed, "You're such as smartass."

I sat up straight with a face of shock. "My my. Did Little Miss Priss actually use foul language?"  
She looked surprised at me with a bit of irritation and a sprinkle of anger. "Little Miss Priss? Are you serious? And as a matter of fact I can cuss all I want here…Fuck you."

I laughed as she tried to look so flustered and pouted on her bed. She was getting' angrier by the second. I stopped laughin' and watched her pout. Even when she's pissed, she has my attention. She stood and I could tell she was 'bout to leave. I let her. I was too tired to grab her attention and try to calm her down. She left with a slam of the door. I stretched my back out and yawned. Well, time for some sleep. As I lay down in my bed, I couldn't keep her from my mind. I wonder…she tries so hard to please everyone around her…does she please herself?

I awoke to the sun burnin' the inside of my eyelids. Oh Christ sun go back to bed. As a minute passed I came to a realization. I shot up out of my bed and looked at my clock. Shit! I'm late for class! My first fuckin' day of college and I'm late. I threw some clothes on and ruffled my hair. Instead of brushin' my teeth, I just popped a few pieces of minty gum into my mouth. It's not like I'll be talkin' to anyone. I'll come back afterwards and brush my teeth. I spent the next hour listenin' to some borin' old dude talk 'bout his course for the year. I didn't pay attention in the least. I found drawin' creatures eatin' my professor on my notebook more entertainin'.

Once I was out, I practically straight shot it for my dorm. However a certain voice stopped me from reachin' my destination without human contact. "Cate! Hey! Would you quit walkin' for Christ sake?"

I turned to see Jackal runnin' my way. I laughed as I could see she was out of breath. I waited for her to catch up. "Yo."

"Don't you yo me. You were practically runnin' away from me."

"No I wasn't. I was walkin'. Fast."

"Hardy har har. Aren't we hilarious? Why are you walkin' so fast?"

"I need to go back to my dorm."

"…You didn't brush your teeth did u?"

I smirked and shook my head. She laughed and commented, "That's the only reason you would walk back to your room so early. I know you're not much for bein' on time or prepared, but you do like your hygiene."

I started walkin' again and she walked with me. We walked inside and I went to brush my teeth. Ash wasn't there, probably at class. Once I walked back into the livin' area, Jackal asked, "How's your dorm mate?"

"Fabulous. Little Miss Priss adores me."

"Wow…sucks that bad?"

I chuckled and took a seat. I looked out the window and replied, "She's alright. Just tries too hard to please everybody. That and anyone can tell she doesn't know who she is yet. She's really not that bad. A little sassy and stuck up maybe, but not horrid."

"She's Ashley Congeni right?"

I nodded and commented, "She plays the flute, but I've never heard her play. By the way she looks at the instrument I can tell she's probably amazin'."

"You know what?"

I turned to her and she told me, "That's just creepy. Honestly Cate, you have known the girl for like a day and you know all these things 'bout her by watchin' her. You're creepily observant."

I laughed and replied, "Now where have I heard that phrase before?"

She looked at me questionably and I waved it off. I stood and nodded toward the door. We both ended up walkin' around the campus since we had the time. We were walkin' down this huge hall. It reminded me of the inside of a church. The arches inside made up the roof and they stretched from what looked like twenty feet high at the point. The hall was spacey; enough that there was no way it could get clogged unless they held a serious important school event in here. As we walked, all anyone could here was the click click click from our shoes. There were only a few passersby.

As we kept walkin' and talkin', I began to hear the faint sound of music. It was very light and almost inaudible. Jackal and I parted ways since she had a class and I followed the music. Suddenly I was brought into a large auditorium with nothing but empty seats. The only living thing in the room was the girl on stage playin' an instrument. Her music flowed through the room like the wind on the beach. It instantly caught my attention and pulled me closer. I followed the attraction I got from the composition.

I walked closer and closer to the stage; my eyes never leavin' the girl who twirled around on stage playin' her heart out. As she twirled, her skirt and shirt blew in the breeze she created. I watched as she swayed on stage with her eyes closed, fully into her music. I could feel her heart as each note passed my ears. I've never heard music that carried emotions in its path. I froze where I was a few rows before the stage. As I closed my eyes, the music made me feel as though I was lost. It was a sad melody, but it had confidence and independence. Instantly, images of standin' alone on the pavement in my old neighborhood flashed before me. Then I remembered when I first was alone in the world. When I returned home from the hospital and the police told me they weren't comin' back…

"What are you doing here?"

I blinked and looked at the girl. I smirked and replied, "Hey Ash. Just… listenin' to you."

She stood there on stage holdin' her flute in her hands. Her body is as still as a board. She needs to relax. What happened to that care free girl I just saw? Apparently, none existent. "How did you know I was here?"

I shrugged and commented, "I heard the music and followed it to here. You're very good."

She looked away and replied, "Thank you."

Is she embarrassed? Or shy? I have no idea, she's too confusing. "Why don't you let anyone hear you?"

She looked to her flute and answered, "I don't like being watched by others. I guess I have stage fright or something."

"I guess. Well, you shouldn't worry 'bout that. You're attractive. People will look at you regardless. Furthermore you're very talented. You should share your music with an audience. They would love it."

She stared at me shocked. "You think I'm attractive?"

Shit. Did I say that? Why did I say that? I don't know. It just kind of blurted itself out. It just… just came out. Oh God. What else did I just say? "Uh. Well. Yea. I mean…you know. Yea. Uh. I gotta go to class. I. Uh. Yea, I got class now."

I started walkin' out feelin' like an idiot. Wow. That…I can't even begin to describe where that went. Suddenly, she yelled my name and I stopped. I turned to find her walkin' toward me with her case that held her flute. I tried to smile while not feelin' embarrassed. I don't know why it unnerved me to compliment this girl, but it did. She just makes me feel self-conscious around her. Why? Damn it, I've never been self-conscious in all my life. Why should I start now?

She smiled as she stopped next to me. "I'll walk with you."

I nodded and started walkin' to the door. She walked next to me and I saw from the corner of my eye that she glanced at me. When she saw me, she started smilin' widely and gigllin'. Why? What did I do now? Make an idiot of myself some more? That's totally possible. I glanced at her and asked, "What?"

I asked that a little more frustratingly than needed though. She smiled to herself and kept walkin'. "I believe that the confident Cate is blushing."

I felt me face change into a deep shade of red. I huffed and retorted, "I am not. I don't blush. Never have, never will."

She giggled and told me, "Right. I think a mirror could prove you wrong."

I knew she was right. I just don't wana admit it. I don't blush. Just thinkin' that I am is more embarrassin' and probably just makin' it worse. Ugh, this girl. We walked in silence to the quad. But, it was a relaxin' silence. It was awkward in the least. Well, for her. It was awkward for me 'cuz I was still freakin' bliushin'. This needs to go away, like now. I walked to my shaded place in the quad and Ashley followed. I sat in the grass and nodded for her to sit. She smiled and set her case down. Then she swooped her hands from the back of her thighs to the back of her knees as she sat down, so her skirt wouldn't ride up.

She sat a foot away from me and we just enjoyed the sunlight. We watched other students doin' book work on the grass or just lay out in the sun. Suddenly, she turned to me and asked, "So why did you follow my music?"

I shrugged and answered, "I liked it. It kind of just pulled me to you."

Wow, that didn't just sound cheesy in the least. Yea Cate, congratulations. You've just been casted in the cheesy romantic movie as the lead role. Hahahaha. I hate those movies. Why do I act so differently with this girl? I…wait. Am I seriously falling for her? Nah. No…no. That isn't it. Right? Damn it. I hate this. I've never…I…I hate this. I've never dated anyone. I don't know how dating works or anything. I ran my hand over my face and into my hair. Life is so damn complicated. I don't know if she's even into girls. Slap! Yea, Cate. Did you forget that guy she was all over in our room? Duh. That answers that question. Well…good. Now I can drop this whatever it is feeling for her. That ends that. It's not all that complicated. "Hey, are you alright?"

I turned to her in shock and answered, "Oh. Yea. I'm good."

She smiled and nodded. I felt awkward at the moment. This silence is weird and not a good weird. I need to say something. "So, how'd you meet Jet?"

She turned to me and replied, "Well, I met him at that party a couple of days ago. It was at a nearby club with some friends and we danced together. Eventually, we got some drinks and talked. Then, we exchanged numbers."

I nodded. I was dumbfounded when she asked, "So are you datin' anyone?"

I was taken aback from the question. No. Of course not. I shook my head. She looked at me questionably and asked, "Why not?"

I grinned and laughed. "I don't know. How can you ask someone that question and honestly expect an answer?"

"I don't know. Usually people have a reason for not dating others or being single. Like just going through a bad break up or their partner moved to another state."

"Well, I'm not like most people."

"I already knew that."

I looked to her with a questionable face. She giggled and commented, "What? You don't think I've noticed how you're different? I'm your roommate remember?"

"Yea. It's hard to forget."

She laughed and lay back on the grass. "So what's your reason for not dating anyone?"

"Why are you so nosey?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine."

"I asked first."

"So."

"So. Answer my question."

"You're very bossy."

She smiled and told me, "I know."

I looked to the sky and replied, "I don't know. I guess I haven't met the right person to date."

She leaned onto her side to face me and propped her head on her left hand. "Well, I know a few guys that are worth dating. I could introduce you…"

I shook my head and told her, "No. I won't date guys."

She looked kind of shocked. "Why? Oh…are you gay or something?"

I laughed and commented, "I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I've just had a lot of bad incidents with guys, so I refuse to trust them."

She nodded and said, "But, not all guys are bad."

I nodded and replied, "Probably not. But, nothing you do or say will change where I stand."

"What happened?"

I turned away and said, "I would rather not talk 'bout it."

I could tell by the silence that she probably knew what I was talkin' 'bout. "What 'bout you? Do you date just guys?"'

She wasn't expecting that question. She looked around and then stated, "I. Uh. I got to practice. I just remembered that the auditorium isn't open for long."

She stood up and grabbed her case. I watched her leave and was kind of confused. Did I say something wrong? Why did she react like that? It was just a question. I have no idea. The next couple of days were kind of awkward between us. We did our normal routines for classes and just kept to ourselves. We would greet each other and ask how the other was doin', but that was pretty much it. It was weeks or even a month or two before everything changed between us. We both kept ourselves busy in school work so we wouldn't have to end up talkin' to each other. I wouldn't usually care, but this thing with her is different. This bothers the shit out of me. As fall was about to leave and winter was preparin' itself outside, I was brought back into my fighting ways. Of course, it wasn't of my choice. I don't mind fighting, but I only do it when it was necessary. And trust me, it was necessary now. Personally, I would have rather beat the shit out of the person 'til they couldn't remember their own name, but that's just me.

It was a windy day. I hated it. The tension in our dorm room was so thick I could freakin' choke on it. It pissed me off. I don't like it when I'm on bad terms with someone I see every freakin' day. I was walkin' out of my religion class and headin' toward the quad. That was my last class for the day and it was a late class. Once, I got out in the quad, I could see that the sky was getting' darker by the minute. Ah shit. I pulled up the collar of my jacket since the wind started pickin' up. It was just a little cold outside, but getting' colder. I'm not lookin' forward to getting' back to my dorm since I have to walk in and see Little Miss Priss. She's just a ball of sunshine nowadays.

Shit. Jackal wasn't kiddin' when she told me this work wouldn't be easy. It kind of pisses me off with all the work I gotta do, but I know it's necessary. I looked up to the sky as I reached the fountain in the middle of the quad. Dark clouds were rollin' in and over my head. Fuckin' great, it's gonna rain. Nothing ever good happens when it rains. I stopped walkin' when I felt a drop hit my cheek and slide down to my chin. I looked up again and suddenly, I began to get pelted with rain. It only took a few seconds for one drop of rain to become a freakin' waterfall. It poured down as I finished my walk to my dorm. I'm already wet so why should I bother tryin' to run out of the rain?

Once I walked through my dorm building's door, I felt how soaked to the bone I was from the rain. My shirt and hoodie stuck to my torso like a second skin. My pants felt three times as heavier as they were just a few minutes ago. They didn't stick to my body like my shirt and hoodie, but they were soakin' wet. I quickly ran my free hand through my hair and rain drops were thrown in every direction. Damn my luck. Of course it rains on my walk. I rang my hoodie out as much as I could and let the rain water splash onto the floor. Ah screw it. I'll just take a shower. I started walkin' through the floor and I noticed I got a few stares. Yea people I'm wet, gotta problem with it? Jesus, it's rainin' outside.

I got up through the fuckin' stairwell of hell to my floor. My shoes squeaked with my every step I took, attractin' more attention than I wanted. When I passed a student studyin' with her door open, I asked her what time it was at that moment. She told me it was eight thirty. I hate late nighters. But, that's what I'll be pullin' to get all my homework done tonight. As I neared my room, I heard an ear piercing scream. Shit! I ran as quickly as I could from wherever the scream originated. It was hard tryin' to run quickly while holdin' up twenty extra pounds from my wet clothes.

It originated from my room? The door was shut and locked. I put my head to the door and heard strugglin'. I could hear the faint sound of Ashley's voice. I could tell she was bein' muffled. Oh hell no. I backed away from the door and readied myself for what was to come. I thought I got away from this shit. Alright...let's do this... I kicked the door opened with all my strength. I instantly noticed Ashley struggling with someone on her bed. I hesitated not exactly sure what was happening. However, the tears I saw streaming down her cheeks gave me enough of a reason to beat the shit out of the other person. I stormed in and yanked the guy off of her with all I had. He was thrown backwards onto my bed. I didn't give a shit where he landed, just as long as he was away from Ash. I saw her shirt was ripped off of her and her skirt was torn down. Fuck. I noticed a blanket on the floor next to her bed. I quickly picked it up and then draped it over her shaking body. I turned around just in time to get punched in the face. I fell to the floor holding my nose as it bled. Ah fuck! That hurt damn it. I got back up and came face to face with Jet. I knew it. I knew that bastard was bad news.

He looked half pissed off and half horny. Figures he would try to take advantage of her. Wrong move dude. Such a wrong move... He tried to throw another punch, but I weaved to the left. As his fist missed my face to the right, my left hand socked him in his right side. Once his arm wrapped over his side, I punched him in the face with my right hand. He stumbled backwards and leaned against my dresser. As he covered his cheek with his hand, he cursed, "You bitch. Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I'm her roommate. That was a huge mistake, hurtin' her."

"So what? What do you think you can do? I'm stronger than you, bitch."

I stared him in the eye so hard to control my anger; I thought I was going to burst. "You fuckin' horny bastard. You might be stronger than me, but are you even one tenth as pissed off as I am!"

He charged me after that outburst. I took the force to my midsection and we fell backward onto the floor. He sat on my midsection and punched me in the face. I felt my jaw crack again. I can't take another blow like that. I could also feel a pulsation in my right eye from his first punch. I knew it was badly bruised. I grabbed his fist before his next punch made contact with my face. I used all my muscle strength to hold his fist back as I tried to figure out how to get him off... This might work if I can concentrate enough. I scrunched my face as I held my breath and tried to swing my lower half up. Finally, my legs were thrust upward and caught him around his neck. I crossed my ankles in the front of his neck and his arms instantly went onto my calves to pull them off. My hand that tried to hold his punch back was now free, so I punched him in the stomach. His grip on my legs loosened and I put all my power into my legs.

I pulled them down as fast and as hard as I could, throwing him back onto the floor and off of me. I stumbled to my right as I tried to get up and steady myself. Once he got off his knees, I kicked him hard into the side. He fell through the doorway and into the hall. I walked out toward him and shut our door so no one could see Ashley in her state. Hang on Ash; I'm almost done with this dirt bag... I watched as he got to his feet. Once his face lifted to look at me, I punched him. I could feel his nose break against my knuckles. I could feel the pain and numbness in my hands from throwing punches. Some of my knuckles were bloody, but I pushed the pain to the side as I shoved my anger forward.

Jet tried to do a side swing punch, but I blocked it with my left arm and then punched him in the stomach again. He bent over and then I kicked him in the face as hard as I could. His head went back and cracked against the wall. He probably received a medium concussion. He sat on the floor and rested his head against the wall. He looked up at me with his bloody face. His nose was spewing out blood and his mouth had a stream of blood that ran down to his chin. Not so tough now are ya? I grinned as I saw the state he was in now. I knew he might try something even though it was pointless since he was so weak right now. So I swung my foot around and kicked him in his face. He fell on his side to the floor unconscious.

I took a deep breath as I relaxed my stance... Fights over. Deep breaths Cate...I backed up to the opposite wall and leaned against it. My breathing was labored and my body was pulsing with injuries. I spit out some blood onto the floor from my mouth. I looked around and saw a lot of girls starin' with frightened looks... Bet that was a show for them. I got off the wall and slipped into my room; I closed the door after me. I didn't care 'bout that jackass right now, so he can take a nap on the floor outside 'til I can deal with him. I saw Ashley's frail body shakin' on her bed underneath the blanket. Oh, Ash... I limped over to her bed, the pain beginning to surface through my body. I sat myself on the edge of her bed in front of her. I set my hand gently on her shoulder and she flinched. Her eyes were squeezed shut and had streams of tears flowing out onto her cheeks. Her brown hair was disheveled. Her head never moved from its spot of looking down at the blanket and her hands. The blanket I tossed over her was sitting over her lap, exposing her torso. Her bra was still on, thank God, but she had bruises on her wrists and upper arms. I saw her hands grip the blanket 'til her knuckles stayed white, like a life line. I felt an arrow of uneasiness and pity shoot through me.

I whispered, "Ashley..."

She didn't respond. She didn't even move. It's understandable. I didn't respond or even move hours after my dad raped me. I just stayed in my bed and cried. Now that it's happened to someone else, I don't know what to do for her. I feel like I should do something; something other than beatin' the shit out of Jet, which I just did. I moved around until I was next to her. I wrapped my left arm around her slowly. She flinched at first, but eventually eased into my arm. She leaned against me and I could feel her tears drip onto my hoodie. I hugged her close and whispered in her ear to cry, that she shouldn't bottle up what just happened. She nodded slightly and let her tears out. She sobbed into my hoodie and her hands grasped my hoodie tightly as she cried.

I closed my eyes as I sighed and listened to her suffer. I knew this is one of the hardest things to go through. I held her close and let her cry. I kept my head against the top of hers and my nose was filled with the smell of her hair; smelled like an ocean breeze. I sighed and wished that this didn't happen to her. I didn't even think that my blood was probably dripping everywhere. It wasn't an important thing to think 'bout now. We can deal with it later. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and much to my surprise it wasn't all that wet. Right now I didn't care. I have to help take care of Ashley. That's where my thoughts need to be and focus on. I quickly dialed Jackie's number and told her what happened. I told her to get the university security to pick up Jet and for her to tell them that I will explain what happened later. I also told her to call the university infirmary and tell them I'll be bringing in Ashley as soon as I can. I knew once security would be notified that they would call her parents... How do I end up in all this shit?

After my call to Jackie, I set my phone on her desk next to me and looked to the window. Of course...it's raining...

Chapter 6

"There's a reason for my life"

I don't even know how long it's been since she started crying. I held her in my arms the entire time and just watched the rain hit the window. I knew trying to tell her that everything would be alright would be a lie so why say it. All I could offer is my support. I gave a heavy sigh as I blinked a few times to get the tired feeling out of my eyes. I looked down and saw Ash sleeping against my shoulder. I squinted my eyes as I looked around for a time. I saw her alarm clock and it stated it was almost midnight. My arm was still securely around her midsection with her hand resting on my forearm. She wasn't all that heavy. But, that side of my body went numb awhile ago. Her face was stained with her dried tears. Her eyes were red, but were relaxed now that she let all of her tears out. I still felt kind of guilty 'bout the whole thing. Couldn't I have done something else? Done something to help prevent this?

My thoughts were interrupted by her slight movement. I stared as my body stayed completely still. I didn't want to bother her if she was sleeping and the best thing for now is if she doesn't wake up. She moved closer to me if that was even possible, putting more of her weight onto me. I didn't mind, but I smiled as I saw her move. I could feel a slight tenseness in her body, but she relaxed against me and soon fell back asleep. As she slept I could hear her breath and felt the slightest movement she created. I felt as though I shouldn't disturb her. But, I knew I had to. I heard her groan as I started to move off the bed. I chuckled and whispered for her to go back to sleep. I wrapped her in the blanket I threw over her. I had to take her to the nurse even if she didn't want to go now. It might be better if she just slept through it anyway.

I had to ignore the pain that shot through me from my ankle. Damn it. My face relaxed while she slept and now when I moved it, there would be pain from the slightest movements. Great. My side also hurt, but it was bearable. My main problem was my ankle, which was most likely broken. But, Ash needs to get to the infirmary now, before it gets too late. They university does have night time nurses on call for overnight emergencies. I leaned over and picked Ashley up off the bed. She squirmed and I whispered that she can go back to sleep and that I was taking her to get help. She sleepily nodded against me and I smiled as she fell asleep again.

I headed out of our room and noticed Jet was no longer on the floor. He was gone and so I knew the police got to him and didn't bother me and Ashley. I was grateful to them for not pushing the issue on Ash. She needed to cry and sleep like she did. It helped with the healing process. Although that wasn't the hardest part, it was a step. I limped around with her bride style in my arms wrapped in the blanket to cover herself. I walked down the floor and noticed no one was around. Even everyone is asleep or they were ordered into their rooms when the cops came. I have no idea. I was thankful that our dorm floor connected into the next building. It was a weird lookin' campus on the inside. Students didn't have to go down to the bottom floor to get out of the building. Some of the buildings connected with each other on certain floors. Ours connected on my floor to the following building.

I continued my walk and walked past a few people. They gave me looks and probably wondered what the hell happened, but I didn't stop to mouth off to them. I hate it when people just stare at you as you pass by. It's not all that hard to notice what might have happened and then go back to their business. But, no, they like to keep starin' 'til you are out of their peripheral vision. It took my hours to get to the nurse since I did eventually have to go down some stairs. My ankle wasn't fond of that at all. I almost dropped Ashley a couple of times walking. It's not easy walking with a possible broken ankle. My ankle was throbbing the entire time and I was waiting for it to eventually just give out. But, it didn't. I felt like shit, but I got her to the nurse… eventually.

When I got there, I held the door with my back as I walked inside. The nurse instantly ran up to me and I shook my head. She showed me a bed I could lay her on and I set Ash down gently. Once she was out of my arms, I pulled the nurse to the side. I told her a sum up of what happened and told her she wasn't raped, but violated. I also told her Ash was asleep and it would be best if she checked her while she was asleep instead of waking her to do it. I helped the nurse check Ashley's bruises out and to turn her slightly when the nurse needed to check on the rest of her body. Once she needed to check her lower half, I told the nurse I would wait in the chairs. She nodded and I walked out of the small area. I could hear the movement of a curtain. They must have those rolling curtains that hospitals have for their patient's privacy. I sat in one of the extra chairs they had near the entrance and waited with my head in my hands. If I looked around, the place would have reminded me of a hospital and I would probably run out of the place. But, I need to stay here and make sure Ashley's alright.

I sighed. What a mess. What the hell am I gonna do? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just doing what my gut and mind say to do, but how do I know I'm doing what's right for Ash? This sucks. I guess I'll just play it by ear. I think that's all I can do. A little while later the nurse came back and approached me. I stood and she told me that Ashley had some heavy bruises that would heal with time. She didn't see any major problems and since she wasn't raped, she didn't need to get a pregnancy test. I nodded and then she told me that she should still go to the hospital and get some tests done for other diseases she could have contracted from skin contact. I thanked her and asked if I could stay with her. She told me I could, but she had to examine me too. I asked her why and she told me 'cuz I have more serious injuries than Ashley.

I nodded reluctantly. She brought me to another empty bed and sat me down. She pulled the curtain and I removed my shirt. I hate hospitals or anything that resembles them. But, I do need for her to look at some injuries I sustained in that fight. She ran her hands over my ribs and I winced. My face was a little bruised and cut up. She made sure they weren't serious. She left and got a cloth and water for my face. Apparently, I had a lot of blood all over my face. She held a mirror in front of my face and let me clean my face off. Shit. I looked at my own reflection and was a little taken aback. There was dried blood that stretched from the bottom of my nose to my chest. My nose was covered in blood and I had a small cut on my cheek. My right eye was a deep purple and blue color.

I was able to wipe off all the dried blood without trouble. Once that was over, she put a bandage over my cut. She gave me an ice pack for my eye and then moved to my ankle. She took my shoe and socks off carefully. I hissed in pain, but tried to hold it back. I saw in shock that my ankle was all sorts of colors, but mainly purple. There was a little tint of green and some blue too. It looked nasty and I tried my best to keep it from moving at all. The nurse got out her box of medical stuff and started wrapping my ankle. I hissed in pain the entire time and scrunched my face up just to keep quiet. My hands were in fists and gripped the sheet of the bed to help with the pain too. Once she was done, she gently set my ankle on a fluffy pillow. I relaxed my face and hands once it was on the pillow.

I asked her how I looked and she told me that I had some bruised ribs, a bruised right eye, and a seriously sprained ankle. It was probably strained first and then sprained since I walked here on it. I let out the breath I was holding and relaxed on the bed. She told me I would be there for awhile so I should rest and she would send an email to the Dean and to our teachers. Before she walked away, I asked her if she would call security so I could explain all that happened. She nodded and went back to her desk after she checked on Ashley. Ash was still sleeping thankfully.

In about an hour the security officers showed up. They came over to my bed when the nurse directed them my way. One of them sat next to my bed and the other stood at the foot of my bed. I explained what happened from the time I heard Ashley's scream to the point they came here. They told me that they would call Ashley's parents and Jet's and that I would have to explain myself in front of the Dean. I nodded and told them that that's what I expected and that I would have no problem with it. The cop that sat next to me, named Officer Kenan, commented, "Well, you did one heck of a job handling that situation."

The other cop nodded and I replied, "I did what anyone else might have done for a friend."

Officer Kenan shook his head and explained, "Most people would have just left or called us. We might have never gotten there in time to help her. You did a brave thing and saved your friend a lot of trouble."

I grinned slightly and took the compliment. He suddenly asked me, "What do you plan on majoring in?"

I shrugged my shoulders. He told me, "You should look into a career in law enforcement. Sounds like you would make one hell of an officer. You act well under pressure; that's a rare skill."

"I'll consider it."

He nodded and then they left a few minutes later. The nurse told me I should get some sleep and she would keep me updated with any news with Ashley. I nodded and thanked her. My body was extremely tired and was beggin' for me to just stay in the bed and sleep. So I gave in to my desires and fell asleep within minutes. Instantly, I found myself back into oblivion. The place I'm so used to being forced into. But this time, I was there on my own will.

I awoke to some noise around me. I was instantly awake and became aware of my surroundings. Oh yea, I brought Ash to the nurse last night. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and then swore when I forgot about my bruised right eye. Damn it. I looked to my right and noticed Ashley sitting up in her bed. I could tell she looked like she didn't want to be there. She looked like an object out of place. She turned her head when she heard me swore and grinned. I smiled and greeted, "Well, mornin' Ash. How you feelin'?"

She grinned sadly and answered, "Alright. Better than yesterday…Thanks Cate, for everything."

"Not a problem."

"Doesn't look like it wasn't a problem. How are you feeling?"

I waved the question off. "Ah. I'm fine. Just a hurt ankle. Nothing I can't deal with."

She eyed me and then commented, "Yea and a bruised eye. What other injuries haven't you told me about?"

I grinned and just laid back. She smiled and shook her head. "You always this stubborn?"

I grinned and replied, "Pretty much. Seriously, Ashley, how are you?"

Her grin disappeared from her face and a haunted look swept over her. My face fell as I saw her smile fade. I knew how she might feel, but I wanted to make sure before just assuming. She shrugged her shoulders and I noticed a small shiver run over her skin. It was almost invisible to the eye but I caught a slight glimpse of it. "Ash…you don't have to tell me I know."

She looked at me shocked and I think slightly disturbed that I would understand what she went through. Her mouth opened to ask me a question, but she was interrupted by the nurse. She wanted to notify Ashley that her parents were on their way and would arrive today. Ashley nodded slowly and then returned to me when the nurse left. I grinned and tried to sit up. I hissed in pain as I seemed to forgot 'bout my bruised ribs. Then I felt a tightening around my ribs and my breath hitched. Ash looked at me with concern. I lifted up my shirt and saw bandages wrapped around me. Shit. Really? This again. I sighed and laid my head back on my pillow.

"You alright Cate?"

I grinned and answered, "Yea. Yea, I'm fine."

I saw her face and her eyes were steady on me, not believing a word I say. "No you're not."

"Don't worry 'bout me Ash. Just worry 'bout healing yourself."

She looked down and concentrated on her hands. "Cate?"

I turned to her and asked, "Hm?"

She never looked up or moved from lookin' at her lap. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

I looked at her and nodded. I guess she was watching me from the corner of her eyes 'cuz she saw it. "What did you mean when you said you understood how I felt?"

I looked toward the ceiling. I contemplated whether I should tell her what truly happened or whether I should just lie or change the subject. Come on Cate. Just tell her what happened. It will help her heal if she knows that she's not alone. I took a deep breath and then explained, "When I was a kid…I was raped... That's why I understand."

When I began to speak, she turned to me. But now, her eyes were wide and started swelling with tears. I could see that she felt sorry for me, but I don't need a pity party. She swallowed the lump in her throat and then commented, "Oh my God. I'm so sorry Cate…That's horrible."

I nodded. "But, it was a long time ago."

"Does the feeling ever go away?"

I knew what she meant; even though the question was pretty vague. That feeling. The feeling of cautiousness around people. The feeling of vulnerability. The feeling of violation and invasion. Even though she didn't fully understand what it's like, she can understand those feelings now. "No."

She returned to looking at her lap. I felt a pang of guilt. I felt horrible that she was just starting to deal with such a problem. I've dealt with my feelings and fear for years. I remember the beginning is the hardest to deal with; the rest is living with it. I felt bad for her.

I was absolutely miserable in that bed. I was itchy and of course my itches were in the bandages. I kept on trying to scratch them lightly since it hurt too much if I did it hard. But, everyone knows you can't scratch an itch softly. You have to scratch it hard or it won't go away. So, I was miserable. I couldn't scratch my itches and every time I tried, I hissed in pain. But even though there was pain, there was relief at the same time. It was pissin' me off really bad. Good thing was that apparently I was amusing and Ashley got a real kick out of it. At least I got a smile out of her. The nurse checked on us every so often and she would have to change my bandages which sucked.

Then it got weird and slightly awkward. Ashley's parents arrived. Somehow I could tell they were her parents, but they gave me the vibe that they were worse than her. They walked in all concerned and instantly went to their daughter. They hugged her and her mother cradled her face to check if she was alright. Her mother looked very proper. That's all I could describe her with. She gave me that feeling that she's very much organized and in control and she can be a bitch if you ever cross her. Ashley's dad was in shape. I could tell he exercised a lot and he looked like he could turn into a real problem to deal with too. He reminded me of a lawyer somehow. He had the snazzy business suit and clean shaved face. Her mother was in a dress. They looked like they just left from someone's party. I hope they did 'cuz if they dress like that everyday I'm really under dressed for meeting them.

Ashley had to reiterate the entire time to her parents that she was fine and she had the nurse come in and explain to them her injuries. They were minor and would heal thankfully. Then Ashley turned to her parents and explained, "Mom, Dad, I would like to meet my friend and roommate, Cate."

I looked over at them and gave a polite smile the best I could. They looked over to me in a bit of shock. It's not the best of terms that we're meeting each other, so I guess there's a little tension 'bout the whole thing. Her father walked over and held out his hand. We shook hands as he commented, "So you're the Cate we've heard so much about. Thank you very much for saving our daughter."

I gave a firm handshake and then dropped my hand back to my side on the bed. I replied, "It was no trouble and you're welcome. Your daughter has become a great friend to me. I will always be there when she needs me."

I turned and saw her smiling at me while hugging her mother. I smiled back and then returned to my conversation with her father, "I hope all that you've heard aren't horrible stories."

He laughed and then answered, "On the contrary. I heard how you saved my daughter and beat the boy who committed the crime."

I nodded and told him, "Well it was not a problem sir. Jet got what he deserved."

He grinned appreciatively and responded, "Well, it looks like it gave you quite a problem. You look badly injured. Do you need to see a doctor?"

I shook my head and replied, "No sir. I'm fine. It's not all that bad."

Shit that's such a lie. If it wasn't all that bad I could actually sit up on my own. He nodded and then turned to his daughter. Her mother spoke up, "We owe you much Cate."

I grinned and commented, "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad Ashley's alright."

She nodded and ran her hand through her daughter's hair. Her parents sat in chairs next to Ashley's bedside. They talked to her 'bout how she will go to a counselor to help her and talk to the principal. I could tell they wanted to pick fights with Jet's parents. Haha. I can't even imagine that battle, heck I wouldn't even want to see it. Ashley and I had to talk to the Dean and principal 'bout all that happened. Jet was getting expelled. He deserves a whole hell of a lot more, but I can live with him leaving for good. We talked with our teachers as well and Ashley would continue her classes, but I had a more challenging position. I was going to get tutored until I could resume going to classes. I hated that, but I could deal with it. At least I wasn't getting' kicked out for fighting. It took me a few weeks to be able to walk on my ankle again. But, once I could I practically ran away from that god awful bed.

Thanksgiving break was approaching and I didn't have any plans except stay in my dorm. I walked out of my last class for the day. It was a windy, crappy looking Thursday. I walked back to my dorm and threw my stuff onto my bed. Ashley turned around from her desk and grinned when she saw me. "Hey. How was class?"

She was slowly returning to normal. It was hard the first couple of days she returned to our dorm. We had to get help cleaning up the mess I made with Jet. My blood was on her clothes and blankets. Some was on the floor too. Jet had some on the floor especially out in the hall. The cleaning crew helped, but getting blood stains out is really hard to do. After that, she still flinches when someone touches her without her seeing it. Even now, she cries during the night when she has nightmares 'bout Jet. I continue to help her through it. The first thing I had her do when I got back to my dorm on my own was for Ashley to tell me in every detail what happened. I knew she didn't want to and she didn't want to remember. But, I knew from experience that once she tells just one person all that happened without skipping anything, that she will feel better. It's a part of what needs to happen for her to heal.

After that she did feel better and having me there helped too. She knew I understood her and I could tell what she was thinking or feeling without her saying it. "Eh. Alright I guess."

She laughed and stated, "Well, calculus isn't supposed to be enjoyable."

I grumbled, "Got that right."

She giggled. I smiled and then walked up behind her. I set my hands on her shoulders. At first she flinched as normal, but then relaxed into my touch. "How are you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She looked up at me and replied, "Slowly getting better thanks to you. Still have a nervous twitch with people touching me without seeing it coming."

I nodded and then patted her shoulder softly. I laid on my bed and blew out a noise similar to an elephant as I fell back. She laughed and looked at me. "What kind of a noise was that?"

"That's the Cate's tired and hates homework noise."

She giggled and shook her head. I looked up and then fell back. I don't even want to try my homework yet. Suddenly she stated, "Well then you're in luck."

I looked up and looked at her questionably. She grinned and said, "Thanksgiving break is in a couple of days."

I smiled and laid back on my pillow. My right knee was up in the air as I laid on my bed. My hands were folded underneath my head. "You can go back home and relaxed for a couple weeks."

I grunted sarcastically and replied, "Oh joy…Not. I'll be here."

She dropped her pencil from her work and turned to me. "You're not going home?"

"Trust me it's not much of a home."

Her face fell as I told her that. Then she offered, "Well, would you like to stay with me?"

I turned my head toward her and quirked my eyebrows. "Really? I don't wana be a bother."

She shook her head and smiled, "My parents and I would love for you to stay with us."

I grinned and commented, "Coolness. Thanks."

For the next couple of days I thought 'bout spending my Thanksgiving break at Ashley's place. I kind of felt like I was intruding on her family time. But, I did feel a little excited 'bout it. Meeting Ashley's parents the first time wasn't really the first impression I wanted to make with them. I'm still recovering slowly from that incident. My face was pretty much back to normal except for a few bruises. It hurt when I smiled sometimes or made a face at Ash, but I could deal. My stomach was still pretty bruised, but it was getting better over time. My ankle still hurt like hell. I usually got frustrated over it in some point of my day.

Ever since the nurse's office, Ash and I have grown in our friendship. Who knew such an experience can make people closer. I'm still kind of shocked over the entire thing. Ashley still flinches every time someone sneaks up on her or touches her without her seeing them. It's a Saturday and…well…I feel like being lazy today. College and the work load are exhausting. On top of that people need to mind their own damn business. They look at Ash with pity; they look at me with anger and fear. Well you know what people? Screw you. Yea, they're all mad at me for beating the shit out of one of their star athletes. I wouldn't have kicked his ass if he wasn't a dick. Most of them knew he deserved it, but the entire campus was a huge sport fan convention.

I could walk around campus with plenty of hate looks or just plain stares. Ah. What a life that everywhere I go eventually I'm hated or people notice me and stare. Is it me? Honestly, I didn't think I was all that bad. Unfortunately or fortunately, Jet will recover. It's not like I killed him. I always call Jackal once a week to see how she's doing. It's during this time that she will tell me all the rumors that have spread on campus 'bout me or even Ash. This pisses me off. Why create rumors when everyone knows what happened. I lay on my bed with my face buried in my pillow. I let out a groan as I thought 'bout how many rumors were spread. The stares and rumors will die down eventually. I can't blame the people for doing all of that. This fight was the most exciting action on campus life besides sports.

Suddenly, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I thought 'bout whether I wanted to spend my energy to look up to see the person. Well, the hand wasn't rough so whoever it was wasn't threatening. I know it's not Ashley 'cuz she's practicing her music in the auditorium. Come on. It's common courtesy. I groaned again as I lifted my head from my comfy pillow. Instantly, I saw Jackie sitting next to my bed on my desk chair. She smiled and laughed a little. "Hey, lazy butt. How are you?"

I squinted my eyes once my face was up and once Jackie greeted me, I went back to my pillow. I mumbled my response into it. She huffed and grabbed my pillow. Once she pulled it from under me, my face hit the mattress and I groaned loudly. She smiled smugly and commented, "Try that again genius."

"I said that I'm fine."

"Looks more like you're just tired. How's your ankle n' all?"

I replied, "It's healing…slowly."

She laughed and I glared at her. "You just hate bein' hurt yet you throw yourself into danger all the time."

"I do not. I only end up in danger when it's needed."

Jackal rolled her eyes at that last comment. She stood and then pulled at my left arm. "Hey come with me to the quad. It's a beautiful Saturday and you're spending it like a lazy bum."

I groaned in protest and tried to keep myself on the bed as she pulled me off. I soon landed with oomph on the floor. I got to my feet and swayed in sleepiness. Instantly a splash of cold water hit my face and I wiped my face vigorously to get rid of the offending cold. Damn! So cold! I opened my eyes and Jackie was laughing in front of me. She saw my threatening face and ran out of the room and shut my door. I went after her but found my door locked by the outside. Suddenly I heard Jackal from the other side, "Get dressed and I will let you out."

I got dressed in my now grumpy state. I looked outside. It didn't look horribly cold or windy. It looked cloudy and had some light to it. Probably the last nice day of the year. I threw my jeans on with a navy blue, long sleeve shirt and then my red hoodie. My red hoodie is like my college signature. Haha. Everyone knows that's what I wear all over campus. I knocked on my door and Jackal opened it cautiously. She smiled when she saw I did what she told me to do. She dragged me outside and then looped her arm through mine. "So how's Ashley?"

"She's doing better than I thought she would."

Jackal nodded and commented, "I don't think I ever met her."

I tried to think back. I know I met Jackal's roommate. I made sure she was a nice person and that Jackal and her would get along. But, I don't think Jackie ever met Ashley. "You'll have to do that sometime."

"She's your roommate, so you introduce us."

I smiled and nodded. I felt I was being watched. I'm used to that feeling from everyone that glares at me, but this feels different. This feels more of a threat then a passerby. I looked around and saw a pack of jocks were approaching me from my left. They didn't look friendly. I stopped walking and Jackie looked cautiously around me. She saw the jocks and gripped my upper arm tightly. I had half of my body in front of Jackie so they couldn't get to her easily. They stopped a few feet away and we glared each other down. Only Jackie had a look of concern on her face and looked from me to them.

There were three of them in their little group and the jock in the middle was the running back of the football team. The guy to his left was the lead wrestler on the wrestling team and the other was the best swimmer on the swim team. The football player told me, "You gotta lot of nerve to hurt Jet."

I shrugged and kept eye contact with him. I commented, "He deserved it."

The guy took a step forward and so did I. I was ready if he wanted to go right here and now. His baseball friend gripped his arm to keep him from fighting. Jackie did the same to me. "You better watch your back girly. I'll kick your ass if I ever see you again."

That night I walked into my dorm after having a very long and repetitive conversation with Jackie. I saw that Ashley was asleep in her bed with the lights out. I kept them off and quietly changed into pajamas. I slipped under my covers then fell asleep within the next hour. It always took me a long time to fall asleep. I had to be absolutely tired if I ever fell asleep within minutes. On a daily basis though it would take me like thirty minutes to fall asleep. However, that night I was awakened from slumber with a soft noise. I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the wall. I guess I turned over when I was asleep. I kept my eyes opened and focused on my hearing. I was completely still so I could listen for even the slightest or smallest sounds. Within seconds I heard the same small sound that woke me. I listened again and heard it. But, this time I focused on it more and instantly realized the source of the noise.

I sat up in bed and turned to Ash. She looked like she was asleep, but I could see her shoulders shake every few seconds. She was trying to muffle her sounds. I got up and quietly walked over to her side of the room. I sat down on her bed and put my hand on her right shoulder. She flinched and then turned to see me. Even in the dark I could tell she was crying. She tried to cover it, but I could hear her nose sniff and her hitched breathing. I bet she had a nightmare 'bout Jet…

Despite the awkwardness, I knew the silent question she was asking me. I pulled back her covers and slipped into her bed. She scooted over a little to make room. Once I was comfortable, I wrapped my arms around her and she buried her face into the crock of my neck and the pillow. I could feel her warm tears fall onto my skin or sink into the pillow. Her hands were holding onto my shirt and my hands were rubbing circles onto her back to sooth her. My chin rested on top of her head. The awkwardness from the fact that my body was so close to hers caused my body to tense up and be as still and stiff as a board. After I believe 'bout an hour, her tears stopped and there was no more muffled noises. Her breathing steadied and I knew she was asleep.

My breathing however, was irregular since I was so tensed. I tried to relax but I was so worried 'bout accidently being too close or bumping into her, I couldn't. Eventually, I relaxed by leaning back instead of forward, which is the way I'm used to being.

The next morning was seriously awkward. I woke up before her and was back to being tense. I didn't want to wake her so I didn't move. I stayed like that until she woke up. When her eyes opened, they were red and tired. She didn't look scared so the nightmare must have left her mind. She looked up at me and gave a weak smile. I grinned back and she said softly, "Thanks Cate. For staying with me… You're a great friend."

I smiled and then excused myself to the bathroom. As much as I wanted to stay and hold her, best thing would probably to leave. Ashley was always in the back of my head. Except me waking up holding her happened on a daily basis without awkwardness. But, that's just a fantasy. I know she likes guys and I know I'm just a friend. But, I hate feeling that I want to be more than a friend. I took a quick shower and got dressed. Soon I found my way onto my morning exercise at the gym then to the cafeteria. Even after waking up in her bed, there was no awkwardness between us when we saw each other. We were very close friends. As much to my disappointment it might be.

A few days later, I noticed that everyone was calming down. The fight and Jet's inability to play sports was blowing over. The hate looks were almost completely gone, but I still got a lot of stares. I didn't mind though. They weren't hateful stares, just the curious stares from students. It felt nice and less tense that everything was blowing over. My ankle was still a bother, but mostly I was healed. The rest of my body only hurt if I got bumped into on my bruises. But the bruises didn't hurt on their own anymore.

The weather was now cold. Wind is picking up and the temperature is lowering. Winter is settling in. It was a day or two before break on a Thursday I think. I walked into my dorm and dropped my bag once I walked inside. I looked to Ashley's bed and I laughed when I saw her. She was snuggled up in her bed. She was under her sheets and big blanket, which she added when the weather started changing. She looked like she was asleep. I couldn't help but to chuckle. She was curled up in a ball under the covers fast asleep. She looked adorable.

I flipped out my phone and called Jackal. I gave her directions to where I wanted her to meet me. I shut my phone afterwards and walked over to Ashley. A few minutes later I caught myself staring. Jeez Cate. Why don't you take a picture it'll last longer. I mentally slapped myself then got back to what I was doing. I gently rested my hand on her arm and bent down to her level. "Hey, Ashley."

I heard her groan and then there was silence again. "I want you to come with me. I have someone I want you to meet."

She opened her eyes and got up groggily. She stretched and then got her stuff to leave. We walked to my car and I unlocked it. We got inside and I started the engine. I put the heat on and started warming up the car. Within minutes we were on the road and much to Ashley's surprise we arrived at our destination within ten minutes. We arrived at the small café I found when school first started. I have been there a few times throughout this semester, but not as often as I wanted. I noticed that Mary wasn't there when we walked inside. I was always lookin' forward to seein' her when I came here. I took my regular seat and asked Ashley to sit next to me. I told her that there was another person coming that I wanted her to meet.

The waiter came to us and took our order for drinks. We sat and talked 'bout how classes were getting on our nerves or how annoying some of the teachers are in class. We also talked 'bout how break was coming up and Ash insisted that I stay with her. I told her I would, but I think she thinks I'll back out at the last second. She's kind of right. I've still been debating it. Suddenly, the bell above the café door rang and there stood Jackal.

I saw as she asked the waiter a question, probably 'bout if I'm here already. He brought her to our table and excused himself to give us a few minutes. I smiled at Jackie and greeted, "Hey Jackie. This is my roommate, Ashley. Ashley this is my friend Jackie."

They both said hi with smiles on their faces and shook hands. Before I knew it they were chatting away like long lost friends or something. Was this a bad idea? The real question is is whether I'm going to regret it and I really hope not. "So how long have you two been friends?"

Jackie smiled and told Ashley, "We've been friends since like birth. We grew up together and still are."

Jackie laughed a little and I could see a spark of curiosity in Ash. It made me really nervous. "Really? Wow. So is Cate any different than how she was as a kid?"

"No. Not really. Well, she's smarter. I think…"

"I'm sitting right here…"

Jackie and Ashley started laughing and I bit back a laugh. We ordered our drinks and then the two were back to chatting. I was sitting on the inside of the booth listening to what they both were talking 'bout. Sure enough they were talking 'bout me. Perfect… I don't think there's enough sarcasm in the world big enough for that comment. Jackie told Ash how great of a skater I was and how I could show off all the time. I grinned at a few comments and continued to sip my tea as they talked. "Are you excited to go back home for break, Jackie?"

I noticed the short glance that Jackie sent me and then replied, "Not really. I'm excited to see my mom and tell her all that's happened in college, but not for anything else."

"Is where you two grew up really that bad?"

"Oh trust me…"

I interrupted quickly before Jackie got carried away, "That's a conversation for another time."

I took another sip of tea as Jackie nodded slightly. I turned to Ashley and asked, "So are your parents really okay with me coming over for break?"

She smiled and answered, "Of course. They were the ones who came up with it."

"Wait. You're spending the break with her?"

I smiled and nodded. Jackie kept staring between Ashley and I. Then she smiled and the conversation moved on. We talked about Ashley's music and how she plays the flute. "She really is amazing."

"Stop. I'm not that good."

"Liar."

Jackie told Ashley, "Come on girl. Own up to your own skills."

She started laughing and Ashley joined in too. I laughed a little bit myself, but then I told Jackal, "The first time I heard her was in the hall and I got into this trance. I ended up following the sound of her music until I got into the auditorium and saw her on stage playing. I couldn't help but follow and listen. The music just pulls you in and you can't help it."

I notice Ashley started blushing and I grinned. I knocked her slightly with my elbow under the table. She looked at me instantly and I smiled warmly. She returned the smile and her blush faded. Jackie blurted, "I still can't believe you kicked that guy's ass. But, at least it calmed down on campus about it."

We both know she was referring to Jet. I commented, "You don't really believe I did that?"

"Well, actually good point… I believe you did that, but I'm shocked you didn't kill him for what he did."

Ashley slumped a little and I could see a twitch in her arm muscles. This is a very touching subject for her. It's taking her awhile to heal, but she's making progress. I don't want this kind of talk to be too early for her. I put my hand on her forearm and I saw her smile. I looked to Jackie and said, "Trust me I would have."

Speaking of school, I asked, "Hey, Jackie. With school in mind, what are you majoring in?"

"Oh yea! I decided to become a doctor, like a surgeon or something like that."

"That's cool. I know you'll do well in it."

"Well, yea. I already had some practice with you."

We started laughing and poor Ash was confused. Before she could ask we heard, "Cate!" I turned my head to find Mary jogging over. She was in her waitress uniform and smile as she approached. I smiled and said, "Hey, long time no see."

"Yea. Seriously. So what's up? I see you're not alone this time."

"Yea. I brought some friends. Guys this is Mary. She works here. I met her around the time school started. Mary this is Ashley, my roommate, and Jackie, my childhood friend."

They all greeted each other and then I looked around from where I was sitting. I got my roommate/crush, my childhood friend, and my new friend all in the same spot…Interesting. Suddenly, I heard a very dangerous question for my position, "So Jackie. You're Cate's long time pal from childhood. So you would know. How'd she get so rich? I mean have you seen her car? It's amazing and amazingly expensive."

Jackie turned her head to me when she replied, "Actually I didn't quite understand it myself. She got a letter and then the bank gave her loads of cash."

I saw all three girls looking to me for an explanation. I grinned and answered, "It's complicated."

Jackie took that answer since she knew that that was all I was gonna say on the topic. Ashley took it since she also knew I was too stubborn to give the real reason. Mary on the other hand pushed the issue. "Well, then un-complicate it."

"I can't. It's a really long story."

"Then give a summary."

"Jackie already did. I got a letter then the bank gave me cash."

"Alright. Don't be such a smartass. You know what I mean."

Jackie mumbled in her drink, "She's always a smartass."

God damn. Someone just stab me in the eye. When did this turn into an interrogation. I thought this would be a good thing, bringing all the people that are close to me together. Guess not. Note to self: make a rule for never letting all the people you know and are close too together. I mumbled into my drink 'bout my situation here. But, thank God for Ashley. "Hey, Cate. Did you decide what you are going to major in?"

I nodded and then told her, "I think I'm going towards law enforcement. The police said I'd make a great addition to the force. So I think I'm headed in that direction."

Ash grinned and commented, "I know you'd make an excellent cop."

Mary grinned and commented, "Well hell yea. With a car like hers, she's ready for any hot chase pursuit."

We laughed at Mary's comment and talked for hours 'bout classes, school, break, and majors. Eventually, it was time to part ways. The day ended with all three of them exchanging numbers and talkin' 'bout getting together in the future. Well…great. Then I'm screwed. Great day. I think I accomplished how to screw oneself over. Perfect ending to a day…But, it was nice that now their all friends, even if it'll bite me in the ass in the future.

We arrived back at our dorm and I took a breath as I took a seat on my chair. Ashley sat on her bed and looked to me. "Your friends are really nice."

"Yea. Their good people. But, trust me, they have their moments."

Ashley chuckled and commented, "I bet."

The room became silent and a feeling of need for words filled the air. I tried to think of some way to strike up a conversation, but I couldn't come up with any good topics. I was not gonna start talkin' 'bout the weather. You know the conversation has hit rock bottom if you start talking 'bout the weather. Suddenly, Ashley's soft voice filled my ears, "Can you tell me more about where you grew up? I know you said it's a conversation for another time…"

I sighed as I stood up. Is she gonna keep asking 'bout it? I would rather not talk about it. But, I feel bad that I don't answer her questions honestly. It's hard for me to give an honest answer to anyone. It'd be best to prolong talking 'bout this. However, over break might be a better idea. Then I won't have to worry 'bout people eavesdropping on our conversation. Walls have ears pretty much everywhere. "I promise I'll explain later."

She gave me a questioning look and I told her, "Over break…maybe. I don't like talkin' 'bout it much."

Her eyes looked to the floor and she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay. I know you're just curious and it's natural."

I feel bad for shutting her out, but I can't help but to have a feeling of paranoia 'bout my past. Feeling as though once I tell someone what has happened, they will turn and use it against me. Later that night I was having trouble sleeping. I was tossing and turning in my bed. My hands gripped the sheets tightly. There was a little girl running down the stairs with a cheeky grin on her face. Her brown hair flowed behind her as she descended. Her dress danced around her legs. She was followed by an older looking boy. He had short brown hair and looked about two years older than the girl. Both ran into a strong looking man. One jumped into each shoulder and he hugged them tightly. He turned around and a woman cradling something in her arms approached the door. When she approached the little girl, she bent down to her height and told the small girl, "Caitlyn. I want you to meet someone. This little one I hold in my arms is your little brother, William."

The little girl looked in awe at the small one in her mother's arms. She stated more in the tone of a question, "William?"

The mother nodded and told Caitlyn, "We named him after your great grandfather. Will, this is your big sis, Cate."

The baby opened his eyes slowly and squirmed a little. "Mommy he's so small and looks all mushy."

The mother giggled and commented, "He's just a baby, Caitlyn. He'll grow to as big as you soon enough. So you have to help him okay?"

The little girl nodded and then talked to her little brother, "Hi, Will. I'm your new big sister. I promise I'll help you grow up to be strong as me. K?"

The mother smiled and watched as her daughter took the little one's hand. She let go of his hand and stated, "There. No one can go back on a promise especially when you shake on it. Right daddy?"

The girl turned to see her father with his hand around his son's shoulders. "That's right, sweetheart."

The little girl turned back to the baby with a wide smile.

Suddenly the memory faded and flashes of images filled my vision. Ear piercing screams filled the back of my head as the images flooded my mind. There were blurred visions of bodies on the floor in the house, then red goo spilling out onto the floor. Then the face of my dead mother burst into my vision. I instantly awoke with a jolt. My body was painted in sweat. My hands were violently shaking. Tears streamed down my cheeks rapidly. My breathing was labored and I felt light headed… Mom? Why did you leave me like that?... I lay back down in my bed and curled up in a ball. I turned my back to Ashley and started quietly sobbing. My muscles felt like they gave out and my body shook as I cried.

Within a few hours, I cried myself to sleep. Hoping…Praying that those images, those memories don't reveal their ugly faces again.

I never let anyone know exactly what I saw that night. The FBI figured out what happened, but I never told them. I remember the house being swarmed with police officers and body bags being wheeled out. Why God let this happen to me I will never understand. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. But what happened to my family was cruel. It's hard to even fathom that it all happened for some God forsaken reason. My purpose…God only knows.

I awoke next morning with a screaming headache. Damn I hate crying… The day went by in a blur. I walked around, not paying attention to anything. I sat in class with an empty head and vision. I couldn't stop thinking 'bout my life. I've cheated death already more times than most people. Whenever I tried to think 'bout my future, it was blank. I could never envision having a family or working 'til I got old. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. I know wherever I go or step, tragedy follows in my shadow. My footprints are bloody. My feet are heavy to drag on and my shoulders get heavier each day. Some days it's hard to get out of bed. I do, but I don't know why. My head throbs more and more by the end of the day. I have to keep going. I have a life and I refuse to waste it, even if I don't know what to do with it.

The day ended and I felt as empty as I did when I woke up. No feeling, no emotion. All I can feel is the fact that I'm living. I feel the air I breathe going in and out, but my body seems numb to me. As I am now, I feel no sorrow, no pity, no fear, no joy, or pain. I'm sitting outside and the wind is picking up. My hoodie is ruffled a little bit from the wind and goose bumps slowly wash over my skin. I watched the dark clouds roll into my vision and cover the light from the moon. One day, my sanity, my mind, my body, and my honor will be in question. I wonder how I will deal with it and what kind of person I will be then…

"Hey."

I turn to the source and see Jackie. I don't see much of an emotion on her face either. She sits next to me on the cold bench. I watch her as she stares into the night sky. While my vision turned back to the sky, I asked her, "Penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled weakly and turned to me. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

I shrugged and went back to the moon. She told me, "You looked pretty deep in thought sitting here."

I nodded. She sighed, "Cate... You can't keep doing this to yourself. Every time a holiday or your birthday or that day comes along you get that same face you have now. What happened wasn't your fault. You need to believe that, no matter what your dad tells you."

My body twitches as his name rings in my ears. I stand up and face her. "I know what happened wasn't my fault. That doesn't change the fact that it happened and that it's forever engraved in my memory."

I walked away and I could tell Jackie felt dejected. I felt bad for treating her like that, but I couldn't help it. She doesn't know or understand the shit I've seen and felt. Now, I'm on my own and alone. I feel dejected from the world; a mere outcast in the crowd. As my anger increases, the feeling of a purpose rises within me. As I walked to my dorm, my purpose became a realization. Even if God's will is against me, I will attempt it. However, it will take years and maybe even decades to come close to completing it, but I can wait. In the mean time, I'll train my body and mind. So one day… I'll be ready.

Chapter 7

"Learning to trust…maybe"

The next day was filled with packing boxes; pretty boring, I know. I felt better since yesterday. Getting out of bed was getting easier. I felt calm; believe it or not. I already had my stuff packed for an hour now and Ashley was only half way through her college belongings. I had my bags in the back seat of my car. I lay on my bed watching her pack. She looked a little panicked as she searched for something. "Lose something Ash?"

She kept searching while she replied, "Yea, my bathroom bag."

"You have a bathroom bag?"

"Well yea. Everyone needs one."

"But you set all your bathroom stuff in the bathroom. I should know; you took up all the space."

She turned around with her hands on her hips. I sat up on my bed. Whenever girls do that, it's never good. She glared at me and I felt like I was shrinking under her glare. I didn't show it, but my eyes faltered from her. "Uh excuse me? I do not take up all the space with my stuff."

"Uh yea, you do. So you have all the bathroom stuff and then a bathroom bag? Yea, totally not taking up all the space."

She went back to searching for her bag and grumbled, "Whatever… Jerk."

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"Yea that's what I thought."

She looked up and turned to me angrily. I quickly rolled off the bed and headed for the door. "I think I'll check up on my car."

She nodded and with an evil grin. "Yea and you should probably take a few boxes with you."

I grinned sheepishly and grabbed a few boxes. I walked down to my car and packed her stuff in my trunk. I kind of feel nervous 'bout this. I mean I didn't meet her parents on the greatest occasion. I opened my car door and leaned on it. My eyes stared off into space as I thought 'bout this break.

49


End file.
